The friend zone exists because people (usually men) become friends with individuals they are attracted to. If people are general friends, there is no zone involved. It’s just pure friendship. It’s the pursuit of relationship that creates the dreaded friend zone.
The situation goes something like this. While getting to know the new friend (the
hottie), the interested party (the nottie) neglects to mention any intentions other
than friendship. Thus, the hottie assumes the nottie is a good friend, a safe-haven
for any and all problems that can kill any sign of a buzz and/or state of joyfulness.
The problem gets deeper when the hottie suggests how good of a person the nottie
is, and how they would be lost without them, but never in ever of evers would date
them because it would (air quotes) “ruin the friendship”.
Though this is true, I believe in being pretty decent friends with someone before
dating. You should know enough about the person to actually pursue them. It’s
when you get too close without that transparency that things get messy. You also can’t
make yourself too available too early if you really want a relationship with someone. It’s totally fine to make friends and hang out with a cute girl, but if you want more than just a friend, you must first let them know that an attraction is present. This can be done through minor flirting, hint-tossing, or compliments here and there that suggest an attraction.
With that being said, I believe friendcest is the successful breaching of the “just
friends” category. If you ask me, I’d say pat yourself on the back; you have reached
a plateau that many only dream of. Trust me; I know. I’ve been there plenty of times.
The friend zone sucks, especially when your hottie gains a significant other, and is
treated like property or less than human. Breaks my heart. But, these are conscious
decisions; we genetically desire what we really don’t need. (Well, I know I am. But
that’s a whole other situation). This does not mean pressing up on your sexiest
female friend is the best move. I’m just saying if you can turn a friend into a lover,
and that transcends into a beautiful relationship, stand up and take a bow. You’ve
On the other end, sometimes people are more compatible as friends. Keeping
friends as just friends may be your best bet. As mentioned before, things may get
messy for the friendship. It may create a fall-out between you two, or awkward
situations may become ever-present when you all cross paths. It’s all subjective.
I will say that when you both agree to cross that line of friendship, hope for the best,
but you better be prepared for the worst. You have entered No Man’s Land. It can
work beautifully and produce a “happily ever after” situation, or it can end horribly
and sever ties that were once Kevlar. Whether you set boundaries in the beginning,
or just cross that line a few times, be weary of the feelings and expectations that
come with it..
Suggestion: Tell the friend that they are dateable and/or smashable before you
get too comfortable around them. If the hottie declines, you can still hang around
without those awkward silent moments. If you do it right, she may say no for the
moment, but you have planted the idea of you two possibly being a couple. Once
she gets to know more about you and see how you react with other people, she may
reconsider. What’s really a killer is when she sees how you treat other women; if
you treat her likes she’s special or you make yourself more available to her than to
others, she may find that attention attractive.
However, this is all null and void if you get too deep into the friend zone. Once you
reach “brother” status, drop your relationship dreams, take the L, and keep your hot
friend as a friend. Hopefully, she has cute friends you don’t know yet. If not, she can
give you insight on how to approach or read situations with other women, which
she should be glad to do. If she shows jealousy, continue what you’re doing. She may
want you all to herself, which is a sign of her maybe changing her mind. Don’t spin
your wheels on this, though; try and progress with the new prospect. Chances are if
hottie is interested, she will definitely still be close by if the new situation doesn’t
All in all, when a approaching a friend as more than a friend, evaluate the possibility
of progressing your relationship before you even approach him/her on that level. Be cautious, and do it early on in the friendship (or else it’s “brother” status). Create a rough sketch of what to do if and when you’re met with certain reactions. Godspeed, and hopefully your situation works out for the best, whether it be a romantic relationship or not.