There’s always a part of me that has assumed that all girls, no matter what kind of girl they are or what kind of experiences they’ve had, essentially think the same way about guys. We may express it differently—some girls are clingier, some girls are more aloof, but ultimately we all have the same fantasies of what we want a relationship to look like. And they all pretty much look like Meg Ryan chick flicks.
From the moment I started liking guys, I’ve fashioned myself in my head to look like a low-maintenance girl type. I don’t need a guy to take me on a lot of dates. I don’t really care about gifts. And I don’t need to make phone calls on a regular basis. I can go out, hook up, come back, and not really give a hoot about it later. That’s how I thought of myself before anything actually happened to me.
But shit did happen to me, and after all of it I can only conclude that I happen to be the exact opposite kind of person that I thought. I get clingy, I develop feelings rapidly, I enjoy cuddling for too long, and I do secretly want to see romantic gestures. When I’m single, I tend to envision myself with people I already know, rather than faceless hot men who I haven’t met yet. I will go from having no attraction to anyone but one person, to having crushes on about 8 people at once. I am 0 to 60 in a heartbeat. What a basketcase, right?
So what does that mean? Do all girls our age want their lives to look like chick flicks? I’m trying to find something to disprove this, but as of late I honestly can’t think of a single example of someone who breaks this mold. Either the girl appears aloof but is still holding out for something magical, or they hook up to boost their self-esteem while avoiding the ultimate anxiety they have about finding a perfect romance, or they are in totally non-casual relationships.
I’ve recently had the opportunity to think about this from a guy’s point of view. How rough it must be to go out on a dance floor only to meet a girl who wants a five minute DFMO and nothing more! How disheartening to be strung along by someone who is desperate for a relationship and yet doesn’t see you as fitting the mold!
But I have to say, that whole perspective doesn’t really work for me either. I don’t think guys are right (though they may feel justified) in going around thinking that all girls are bitches. More often than not, I’ll start out having zero feelings for a person who is interested in me and then develop them the moment I realize they are interested in me. Does that make me more desperate? Or cold? Do other people think like this? What is up with that?
Back to the chick flick thing. It seems there’s some sort of expectation in society for girls to act dumb about their feelings. Having recently watched Friends with Benefits and Bridesmaids and that other movie with Natalie Portman that is exactly like Friends with Benefits, there is definitely a pattern among movies where girls are always the clueless ones who don’t know what they want and avoid their feelings and the guy always has to be all like, “Why are you making this so complicated?”
I have two theories about this. One is that this is based on truth. Girls are stupid when it comes to relationships, despite other stereotypes that would indicate that our male counterparts are the clueless ones. I don’t know what I want until I can’t have it, which is why I am frequently attracted to men who I initially reject.
The second is that girls like to watch movies in which the guy has to go through extra pains to win them over, because real life isn’t like this and we all wish the responsibility could just fall on them. The perfect guy should have all the answers, but actual people are never like this.
So which is it? What do people think? Is my love life going to be doomed by chick flicks, or can someone give me another perspective on this?