I think it is strange how people become “only friends” when a relationship falls apart. I think it is awkward and no matter how at peace you are with the other person or your understanding of how things turned out, there is always going to be that little reminder known as, well, memories I think it is even stranger when you are in a committed relationship with your lover but are no longer friends. There isn’t much laughter or random joy- you just end up going through what some refer to as “the motions”. I’m not sure how it works when you are friends first- I don’t think I have had that relationship. Maybe that says something about me >.<
It isn’t hard to love someone- when you are in love and it is reciprocated, you just do it and it feels right and there is nothing in the back of your mind saying otherwise. It comes natural to value and protect the love you have and feel it throughout you- mind, body, and soul. But it isn’t always easy to maintain a friendship with someone- especially someone you know as intimately as you do a lover.
You will see them at their best and be thankful and proud to have this person in your life. You will see them at their worst and do everything you can to support and encourage them- even if their actions are making you crazy. You will learn to compensate for each others flaws and learn how to meet emotional needs, even if they seem unjustified. You will notice habits and quirks that were always there but never in your own mind, or at least never on your mind, that will suddenly affect your perception of them. You will disagree and protest, feel hurt and denied. You will share most of your moments and each experience will not be your own, but become a piece of your history together.
This is an awful lot to go through- just two souls sharing such an epic journey through a spiritual plane. It is a journey that is both dual and singular in its emotional expanse. Each of your emotions are singular and of your own mind- reactions and feelings that your self processes without the influence of anyone else. When sharing an experience with someone else- their personal interpretation affects you (and is affected by you). You know? Basic togetherness.
But when you think about the immensity of how much of your life will be a “dual” experience- it either feels joyous, comforting, and beautiful or overwhelming, taxing, and possibly ominous. I guess that’s why they say it is important to really know yourself. You wouldn’t want to get lost in someone’s idea of who you should be. In order to have a healthy friendship I personally believe in equal parts most everything with a few surpluses, allotments, and pardons when needed. Friends understand that things will not always be perfect, but they will always be.
If we can’t share a beautiful time together and be happy and fulfilled- are we really friends? If time together isn’t a “good time”- then what is it? If you share your bed or your last name or a house but share nothing that will someday be majestic nostalgia or simple, bittersweet wistfulness- how do we grow beyond the aforementioned? Lovers with no desire to be friends will collapse. Misery, sadness, loneliness, and animosity will eclipse your sentiment. A lasting relationship requires two souls to be lovers, friends, individuals, and a team.