There are things one should never make assumptions about.
One should never assume that if they share all your life experiences with someone they will understand you more and be there for you.
The reality to me is, sometimes we share these stories to open up to another person in the hopes that you will be understood. It’s what they say people want in a way. You know, be yourself, share things, be vulnerable.
I have found that it doesn’t matter how much you share or open up. People are not interested in your past unless they need something from you or it helps them in some way or they feel needed because you are the broken one which gives them the idea that they are the one in control. It’s backwards. I assure you the last portion of that sentence is backwards.
Telling someone your troubles and why you are the way you are in the hopes to be understood? Is over rated. It means nothing really and why do you tell someone your story anyway? Does it make a difference? Will it change anything today in the here and now. I don’t think so. Because in the end people forget all about your troubles and move on.
You assume if you can be validated and understood by someone you can heal from whatever you’ve been through. While I understand that we need these things, it’s never means someone is understanding you to the point where you get to benefit by having a relationship with them. Nor does it guarantee that they will stay with you due to your past experiences.
Your life is your life. You have been through things from which you must heal. Hopefully you do and hopefully you do not carry these things with you and use them as a means to have a relationship with someone because you have had these issues in the past and it’s used to rope them in. Some people do this you know. It’s cheesy.
I have expressed things from my past in the hopes of being understood before. It didn’t matter. It didn’t change anything. If anything the person told these things dismissed it and further used it later on to get their way. These are the people we meet in life. Perhaps these are the people I meet in life.
You work on yourself to be a better person. You work on yourself to be better and to heal and to grow and to have good relationships in life. At the same time, I know people who I think are way more messed up than I am and they are in relationships. This puzzles me. I assure you, they are not relationships I would entertain myself as they are not based on true love but manipulated love. Do as I say, be what I want and I will love you.
What also puzzles me are peoples assumptions that a persons education defines them as above average for a relationship. Do you know that a person with an education in any field does not mean they have any emotional intelligence or grand knowledge insofar as having a loving healthy relationship with another human being? They are book smart. They are intelligent however if you look around at their personal lives. They fall short. They complain, just like me.
I dare say that never should you assume if a person has a higher education that you should assume that they have better relationships. It is simply not true. Think about it. They may only be good at their chosen profession which has absolutely nothing to do with their personal life.
We make broad assumptions about people based on their perceived status in life. I wouldn’t do that if I were you. The grass is not always greener on the other side. The grass you water is greener.
I think, from herein on, my history in my life barring the bare minimal facts are irrelevant in my future relationships. I haven’t killed anyone. I am not abusive. I am a decent person whose view of the world and the people in it are skewed at the moment. However, do you really need to know what I’ve been through?
Does it make a bit of difference? It doesn’t make someone love me more. It doesn’t make them show up and be a consistent in my life. If anything I have found to be true is it doesn’t matter what I’ve been through.
What does matter is who I am. Today.
In the future I think I am going to play things close to the vest. It doesn’t render me incapable of caring about another person. If you must know, one time I did use my story to be understood by someone else. Looking back, it was overkill I guess. I found that it didn’t matter in the end. If anything I think it placed preconceptions in that persons head about me. It wasn’t even my intent for them to fix me really. I wanted to be understood.
I think, I was wrong in this divulging of information. In the end it didn’t matter what I had said, what I expressed, how I expressed it.
The worst case scenarios are when people use what they know about you to get what they want. To twist things around to serve their own purposes. Yes, these are the types of people that I have dealt with and it’s no wonder I have such disgust about people and the things I see in them.
It’s all about you after all. Isn’t it? You think you’re so nice. You think you’re the good one. Are you? Are you really. Are you really the good one? The perfect one? The one who would do anything for whomever or does all of this come with a quiet price.
You give so you can receive and be happy. Nothing wrong with that I suppose. It’s what most people want. To be happy.
What about genuine.
What about honest with your feelings.
What about sincerity.
What about real connections.
If you, in fact, have any idea whatsoever what that is.
You ask for it.
You want it.
What do you do in order to have it?
Or it is that much easier to point fingers and blame everyone else without taking personal inventory of yourselves.
I have taken personal inventory of myself. I had to change.
I have changed. The more I have changed, the healthier I believe I have become, the more I see the need for others to change as well.
People are so busy focusing outwards. Gimme! Gimme! That’s MINE!
What do you bring to the table anyway?
Do you even know?
Or are you hiding behind resentment and the things you’ve been through.
Guarding yourselves from the things you say you want buried in your own past and your own life experience.
Be the person you say you would want to be with.