Failures bring forth detrimental insecurities, especially in failed relationships. It seems almost instinctively we try and view the situation as one that can be solved by finding the problem. It becomes a game of thinking what we could have done, didn’t do, should have done, would do differently, spiraling into a deep cycles that spin circles around a heartbreak one is trying to escape.
There is no good side or silver lining. No one comes around by spiraling and cycling through insecurities.
Many of them aren’t outgrown.
Many of them stem from previous relationships.
Many of them are fears coming head on.
And it’s exhausting – no matter what way you look at it.
I’m not saying your insecurities about a situation are futile, but they are. The more you drown yourself in them, the more that you drown.
Relationships either work or they don’t, and it’s not your fault when they don’t. One of my biggest pet peeves is when women (or men) start picking apart who they are because someone decided to be a complete idiot and leave. I hate that destructive look of unhappiness, and I never understood how someone could let one other person dictate how they feel about themselves.
But Eleanor Roosevelt did say that no one could make you feel inferior without your consent.
I’m not saying that it’s easy, by any means. But it’s not your fault. And it’s not their fault. And your friends are going to tell you that he or she is an idiot for letting you go, and it’s going to be true for you. I don’t believe that there is a God that has certain plans, but I do believe that there are people in your life that are going to choose you in the same way that you choose them.
You did not do anything wrong. You did not love too little or too late. It was not because you weren’t sexy enough or sexual enough. It wasn’t because you couldn’t cook. Or clean. Or dress this way. Or that way. It wasn’t because your laugh was too high or you called too much. There will be a person out there in the world that wants every single part of your insecurities just the way they are because they see them as strengths. Because they can love enough to be with you exactly the way you are, in your perfect imperfections.
I hope that every girl (and gentleman) can realize this. It’s not going to make any of it easier. It won’t heal you faster or take away the immediate pain that is going to come with heartbreak and insecurities, but it’s going to help you heal. And it’s going to make it easier for you to understand what you deserve for next time. No one needs to fall into patterns or repetition with things that weren’t right for them.
There is hope and possibility that one day you will find someone who will no longer make you find those insecurities again.