Its Not You, Its Me

Love is a terribly beautiful thing – fearsome, audacious, belittling, empowering.  Everything in which we want it to be; everything in which it isn’t.

We hold our hearts in shelters built from permeable matter.  We want it to seep into us, flow through us.

It comes.  It goes.  It changes us.

In many ways it reconstructs our views on ourselves – both there and gone.  When lost, we succumb by instinct to our self-loathing qualities.  What if I was this, what if I was that.  Self-detrimental wordscapes that destroy, divide, and conquer.

The qualities and reasonings to breaking up aren’t what end love.  I believe that when you love somebody truly, you love them forever with all of you.  True love does not die because the other person chooses a path you are not traveling.  Pain is acceptable — healing, tears, aches.  Feelings that will pass and feelings that will stay.  Feelings that will become us and ones that will change us.

Loving somebody means you love them for everything they are and everything they are not.

In high school, every relationship felt like the world was ending.  That hearts broke every time a one month relationship ended.  That person was terrible.  You were wronged.  You were wrong.  You weren’t good enough.  In high school, we want to feel what we see.  We want to think we know everything, and that we are taught nothing.  And the pain comes in finding you don’t.

The thing is, what it comes down to is simple: two people don’t belong together.  If you two people do not end up together, they don’t.  Oversimplifying, some might say.  Some might say there are complicated issues, and that may be true for them, but I’ve always seen it in black and white.

To both sexes, when it’s supposed to be, it is or it will be.  And neither party is to blame for a departure because that means he or she is not the end of the day.  There are doors, there are opportunities, and there are people.  While it always feels like the end of the world, it is not.  It is simply the end of the world you had with that person.  The best you can take from that is memories.

If you are supposed to be together, you find a way back.  What do they say about if you love something, set it free?

My friend Ian once told me,  ”There’s no such thing as moving on.  There is only accepting and then finding something else.  When you make a bond to someone, it is always there.  The spider’s web that connects everyone’s heart is love. You make a link, and it never dies.  But you can make stronger, better links.  You can’t possibly lose everything.  You’ll always have you, and if you give it to someone, and they don’t want it, you are still you and they’re poorer for it.”

I think the point I was trying to make for women – and men – that we should not self-deprecate on people in our lives that do not stay.  We must look at these experiences as something to mold us, to hold us to the person that we want to be in our future.

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