I often discuss the state of men, but recent events and conversations have lead me to pay attention to what’s going on with women. Relationships that work do so because both parties can work together. Relationships that don’t work have issues on many tiers and both people involved contribute to the dysfunction. Since 50% of American marriages end in divorce, it is worth looking at some variances with women.
Here are some examples of what I’ve heard about and noticed lately.
Now, do not mistake independence for an issue, it’s not. Just going on definition alone, adults who are not dependent on another are smiled upon financially. So an independent woman just means she does not financially need another adult to ensure her care. However, in the social realm, Ms. Independent has taken on some height and control that she is not necessarily warranted. For example, she needs to have a voice in every decision down to the last detail. You can’t even go on a decent date because she needs to choose how she’s picked up (if she doesn’t like your car, she’ll meet you there), where you’ll go, what you eat, how you transition, etc. She makes it known that she doesn’t need you for anything, just in case you didn’t already know, and she holds herself much higher than her colleagues would. The thing is, Ms. Independent has had a dream deferred. In her younger years, she dreamed of what her adult life should be. She’d go to college, gain her degree, launch a well-paying career, meet her Prince Charming, get married to her Prince and have little princes and princesses, live in a fancy middle to high class neighborhood, drive a luxury vehicle, and have spa days and brunches with the girls every other weekend. Yes, she had it all planned, even the wedding dress, colors, rings, and flower arrangements. However, life has happened and she worked hard to build her career, but that’s the only thing working. Since her timeline is off and life has thrown her a loop, she’s actually suffering from an internal emotional conflict. She no longer believes in the happily ever after, but she wants to. Dealing with this conflict distracts her from everything in her life except her career. So her Ms. Independent, “I don’t need any man” attitude really means “Dear God, could you please send me a man to satisfy my needs!” She’s actually desperate to have a man in her life, but has lost how to be woman enough to attract the right man.
Ms. Sex Kitten
Yea, the men love her, if only but for a moment. I mean, she’s needy as hell and men love that. They gravitate to her absolutely needing them to get through even the most basic things in life. She’s cute or even beautiful. She goes to work, makes her own money, but doesn’t always have the most common sense. She’s not dumb by any stretch of the imagination, but her logic is a bit different than many others. She enjoys life to the fullest. She parties hard, loves easily, dates a lot of men, and sexes most of them even though she’d never tell anyone her business. See, many women despise her because she’s naturally found her woman hood and almost every many can sense it. She enjoys the simplest elements of life, doesn’t need to control any situation, and goes with the flow almost all the time. She flirts without knowing it and draws lots of attention with no effort. However, she grows old and is still single. It baffles me as to why, but then it dawned on me. She doesn’t require anything from men. She allows them to take total and complete control of each and every relationship until she gets 3 years down the road and realizes she is unhappy. She’s lost her voice. Even the men she really wanted to marry, she would brush the topic off when he asked her about it. So he began to think that she didn’t want marriage or even a solid relationship. All play and no voice leads to nothing. She needs some balance.
Mistress of Distress
Now this woman is always having issues. It’s like, you begin to wonder how much of it is real and how much isn’t. However, her constant emotional and often physical ailments put her in a position to literally need a man in her life because all other loved ones have grown tired of caring for her multiple issues. Thing about it is, this lady has probably had multiple marriages and may currently be married. She is an average woman, works, has her own financially, and has a huge heart. She ultimately has a lot to give to a husband and a family if she could just get to a place where she is mentally, emotionally, and physically stable. Thing is, men already come to the table with varied emotions and even more varied methods of really dealing with those emotions. To combine this with an unstable woman, one would think would be a recipe for disaster, but is not always necessarily the case.
In reviewing these cases, I realize that successful relationships don’t discriminate between financially successful versus unsuccessful adults. The variances are generally embedded in the characters who operate the relationship. Regardless of class, attitude determines the success rate of a relationship.