Friend Card

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ph: Nevena Popovic

My love story is ridiculous, and after a year and a half, it finally ended. No, my boyfriend didn’t break up with me. No, my almost lover didn’t dump me. No, my sex-buddy didn’t leave me. But the only boy I’ve truly ever loved, my best friend, hurt me. Let me down. Broke my heart for the first time ever.

It all started at a Christmas party with friends. He was my other best friend’s ex, but they weren’t together when we had met and I therefore didn’t pay attention to his existence… until that night. We sat on that couch and talked for hours about what he wanted out of life and what he planned to do with his career; we talked about what I was getting into at school and what I hoped my future held. I didn’t think much about him for about a week until we find ourselves together again at a chick-fil-a sandwiched with another couple. We stood in the parking-lot for another hour after and talked. I knew then that he was different and that my heart had been waiting for him.
After that night we became practically inseparable. He’d pick me up after work and we’d go eat dinner, go to movies, and everything else in the universe that was coupley… except for becoming a couple. I finally sucked it up and told him how I felt to have him tell me he just wanted to be friends. Okay, I could handle that. Too bad we went about two months not speaking to and avoiding each other like the plague. But we finally found ourselves back to each other and became closer than ever, and more complicated than ever. It wasn’t until last November that I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I had fallen head-over-heels in love with him. It was the most incredible and suffocating feeling I’d ever felt in my entire life. I wasn’t used to caring so strongly for any guy and it terrified me, but I let it go and just kept acting normal.

Fast-forward six months. After a million conversations with both my friends and FAMILY telling me that he was in love with me I got fed up. Why the hell does he get to act the way he does and make me feel the way I do, and then when the “big question” comes up he can throw the friend card down and get away with it?! It’s ridiculous. The boy has taken me to meet his family, my family has taken him on vacation with us, he threw me a surprise birthday party, calls and texts me all the time… Like, seriously? Seriously?!

I took a last stab at telling how I felt last month. He didn’t say much about it except that he didn’t want it to affect our friendship, and yet continued to lead me on and treat me just like his girlfriend and made complete strangers question our “friend” status. It all got to be too much. And I knew that something was up this week when he didn’t call. Didn’t text. Didn’t facebook. Nothing. He’d spent all week with our other two close friends. Girls; girls that knew all my deepest secrets and feelings about him. They told him how I REALLY felt. That I was in love with him. They TOLD HIM. Some friends, huh? He told me this afternoon that he didn’t want to do anything alone anymore. No more dinners together. No more movies. No more coupley things that didn’t involve other people. Other people being our two friends. How coincidental. He no longer wants to hang out with our married friends because that sends a “wrong idea” to me.

Needless to say I’ve never cried so hard in all my life. Not only have I lost my closest friends and confidants, I have also lost my first true love because as immature as it sounds, I’m done. I’m done with feelings so hurt and confused and let down. Done; I’m done.

Thank you for listening to my story.

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One thought on “Friend Card

  1. Clark Kent says:

    My dear friend… I read this and felt you inside of it! I know it seems that things are the way they are and it is a helpless feeling. However to be in love means you give something you give yourself to share with another. It can be that he is in love with who you are but wants it to remain the same for you still have rejecting energy inside that keeps him from you. This energy opens doors as much as it closes it! Spiritually you have a connection that is not to be severed or challenged, to place time and pain in it changes it and makes it become more about the rejection you place in between you and him which truthfully has no place there.

    Don’t elect to feel rejected! For what you see in him is the mirror that allows you to see yourself. Being honest with how you feel, being honest with the other’s needs inside you is something you need to remove! You see you have placed rejection in between you to eventually remove the relationship as it is stopping any form of a lasting growth that will expand in love. This was an element he didn’t want for you or the connection you shared. If you were able to know each other and be in sync beyond what either has experienced. Why try to place new elements in place where you are just removing the place that this gives you? It is love in form and is shared. I feel you should write him as this is not something that you wanted anymore than he wanted.

    He is not rejecting you anymore than you are rejecting yourself. Love is an action word, if this is your meaning for it. Is what your giving him by stating he is letting you down that action you want him to feel? When you take the energy of love and create an opposite for it. It will do just that, for it is the lesson of what you give yourself you will give to others. Stop rejecting yourself and embrace who you are to allow him to do the same. If you can’t be that for yourself you can’t be that for him.

    Flow as you are with him! It is what he needs and wants and can feel it is what you need and want! The other part is something that comes without making it into a have to have! As the energy of love grows in you, it has the capability on it’s own to bring him closer, it is the pull as it was meant to be. No expectations and no regrets and most of all connection. It has it’s place in you to expand as he sees this letting go in you to blossom to call to him on it’s own. Again I am saying what you give to yourself will emit the energy of what you will get in return outside of you!
    With love for this beautiful post,
    CK

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