Allow me to post this disclaimer. Some of you are going to either disagree, be pissed or feel like I’m betraying the “G” code but since I was asked to do this….
I’m going “HARD IN THE PAINT!” You wanna know what’s wrong with your “RELATIONSHIPS” or why you can’t find a mate? Simple…it is you. Go ahead…I’ll wait. Are those birds I hear chirping in the background? Did I just hear a pin drop on a carpet floor? Are those mouths I see falling open? Before you tune out or get to calling me outta my name, allow me to explain. Ahem….
First and foremost when it comes to both men and women, some are just no good. Sit around them long enough, listen to them long enough and notice them long enough and you will know who they are. Why a woman or man tries to turn a one night stand into a life time relationship with a person she or he knows is no good is just…insane. See we all do it, whether he has a nice ride, she has a nice ass…we all do it. You can tell by their mannerisms that they are no good but you still allow yourself to pursue something beyond a physical relationship. Why? It’s one thing to not want to be alone, it’s another to flat out settle. You are never going to meet Mr. or Ms. Right as long as you are dealing with Mr. or Ms. Wrong. That song by Mary J. Blige, “Mr. Wrong” is nothing to be celebrated. It really is a low self esteem song. If it’s more exciting for you to be with the wrong person than with the right person…you deserve everything you get.
Also, learn to be honest with yourself. Be honest about who you are and what you want. Be honest about what matters to you when it comes to selecting a mate. Be honest about whether something is purely physical or something of substance. Trust me, you know the difference…you just choose to ignore. I’m speaking from experience here. I have chosen to try and make a relationship out of a few women when I knew the attraction was nothing more than purely physical. But see, I wanted this physical to last a life time and simply ignored things I knew that sent up red flags. One female cursed too much, one female fussed too much, one female smoked and I know I don’t smoke. Yet in still I attempted to make more out of those relationships than what they were…temporary. So when I eventually reached my breaking point, whose fault was it really? It was mine because I had been dishonest with the one person I should’ve been honest with from the very beginning…myself. If I would’ve been honest with myself first…it would’ve allowed me to be honest with the woman and thus not waste either one or our time since time is something you cannot get back.
So…when it comes to selecting a man or woman…be honest with yourself. I repeat, be honest with yourself. This is what I’ve been telling my co-workers for the past 2 months and it really has helped to enlighten me. Be honest with yourself. You know who you are and what type of person you are looking for Spiritually, Financially, Emotionally, Physically and Sexually. I call these the Big 5. In knowing the Big 5 you know what you’re willing to compromise on and what you’re not willing to compromise on. The only way you will know though is to be honest with yourself. Once you know yourself, you will be better armed to go out and come across that guy or girl that is potentially Mr. Right or Ms. Right. Notice I didn’t say go out and find, I said…come across. If you are at your best, then the guy or girl that’s at his or her best will notice you and the immediate chemistry between the two of you will be just as subtle as a gentle summer breeze.
First of all to my fellas. BBD said “Never trust a big butt and a smile.” While this statement is not necessarily truthful, the sentiment behind it is. If all you are looking for is a big butt and a smile from a woman, then you should not be surprised if that’s all she has to offer. Fellas, I’m not suggesting you don’t go after the woman you are physically attracted to (see the Big 5). I’m merely suggesting that she should have some substance to her as well (once again refer back to the Big 5)and just because she got good “cookie” is not the end all say all. Can the two of you get along and hold a sensible conversation? Can you have a disagreement without it developing into a full blown argument? Does she curse more than you? If none of this matters, then fine…if it does, don’t act like it doesn’t. Fellas move on and keep it pushing. Sooner or later you will come across a woman who is worth your while and not just a “Cut Buddy.” I don’t want to say it’s not possible but it is extremely difficult to turn a whore into a housewife.
Ladies, please carry yourself like a lady. Trust me. Men that are no-good are intimidated by women who carry themselves like ladies. If you take pride in calling yourself the “B” word and you curse like a sailor and dropping it like it’s hot every chance you get (and that’s not your profession), please do not be surprised by the type of men you attract. If what you want is a good man, the one who works hard, comes home faithfully and makes his woman and his children his number one priority, then you must be this woman. If you’re the type of woman who says, “A man should accept you for who you are,” please understand, men have been saying this to women for years. It’s just that men aren’t just saying it…they are living the statement. Men change for love; they don’t change for a woman. I repeat men change for love. If you understand that, then you understand this next statement. Men force women to settle. Its more women than men and men…know this. I’m here to tell you ladies…don’t settle. Don’t be enamored with the type of car he drives or how large his bank account is. This is not what makes him the man for you. It simply means he has a decent job and has a nice car. None of that means he knows how to treat a lady. I don’t wanna say it’s not possible but its hard to turn a dog into husband material.
There’s more that I could say to both men and women but I think you get the gist. Now here’s the big thing. DATE, DATE, DATE, DATE, DATE and DATE again. Dating does not mean you are in a relationship with someone. The word DATING derives from the word DATE which means to go out with someone. The word relationship means to be involved with. The two words are not synonymous with one another so please for your own sake, stop acting like they are. Through dating, you allow yourself the opportunity to find out if you and another person are compatible with one another. See it goes like this…first you date, then HOPEFULLY you develop a relationship, then HOPEFULLY you get engaged and then HOPEFULLY you get married. Just because you’re dating someone does not mean you should get involved in a relationship with that person. Dating allows you to sift through the rubble and you do this by dating multiple people. Because you are DATING multiple people does not make you a “DOG” or a “HOE.” It makes you smart. Allow me to reiterate, I said dating multiple people, I didn’t say sleeping with multiple people. Once again, there is a difference.
This next paragraph is gonna throw some of you for a loop. With all due respect to Steve Harvey (and I love this guy, I really do) ladies…stop putting a time frame on the “cookie.” You holding on to the cookie for 90 days or giving it up after 1 hour is really not going to determine whether or not a man respects you. I know some fellas are going to disagree with me on this but ladies please understand. If a man doesn’t have respect for you after sleeping with you on a one nighter, how can he possibly have respect for himself? The simple answer is…he doesn’t. Please don’t be fooled and fellas stop lying to these ladies. A man understands that there is nothing wrong with consensual sex between two consenting adults. Notice I said a “man.” What determines how much respect a “man” has for a “woman” is how she conducts herself before the act of intimacy and after the act of intimacy. In all truthfulness, sex is another way people get to know one another. For example how many people waited only to find out they were not sexually compatible with their mate (remember the Big 5). Mind you, I’m not advocating having sex on the first night; I’m just saying that doing so is not the deal breaker people make it out to be.
Last but not least… life is not a game and neither is love. If you treat it that way, men and women both sense it and trust me, no one wants to deal with someone who is playing games. If you’re going to be in a committed relationship…give it 100%. Give it your all. If it fails, it fails but at least you gave it your all. If you don’t give it your all, don’t be surprised if it fails. I had a young lady one time tell me she was giving more to the relationship then her man was. I asked are you giving it 100%. She said no, she wasn’t but that she was giving more than he was. I shook my head and said that makes no sense. So if he’s giving 44% and you’re giving 46%, you’re still giving more than he is but neither one of you are giving 100% and you’re surprised because your relationship isn’t working? Really? Really? People, I’m not trying to sound like I know it all, I’m merely giving voice to what each and every last one of you already know.