When it comes to sex how soon is too soon? When is the right time to go from cinema, wine & dine to home movies and 69? It’s a question which has plagued so many singles active on the dating scene for years.
They say a woman knows in the first 15 minutes of meeting a guy if he might make a suitable sexual partner at some point. For the guys it’s a lot quicker, an almost instinctual impulse. So when is an acceptable time to act on those impulses and still maintain your self-respect?
I’m not questioning the morality of two people meeting purely to satisfy each other’s basic desires, (that’s consenting adults making a conscious choice). I’m referring to the mutual attraction two people feel when they meet and sense the possibility of forming a sustainable relationship of sorts in the future.
Is it acceptable to go all the way on the first date? Our American cousins tend to favour a 3 date rule while some believe three months is a reasonable amount of time to wait and get comfortable before bumping nasties. But if you make the other person wait too long do you risk them losing interest or seeking physical interactions elsewhere. On the other hand if you go too soon do you risk the many stigmas attached to casual sex, most of which are unfortunately targeted solely at women.
Unfortunately even the most liberal and forward thinking men fall fowl of the old stereotypes and attitudes, ”why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” After a pleasurable encounter, lingering questions can sneak into the mind; if he/she slept with me that quickly they might not be worth anything more than one night or a casual relationship; how many other people have they bedded that easily? Experience can be beneficial but no one wants a ‘slag’ for a partner, whether male or female.
Make the wrong choice with the wrong person and before you know it you could end up their ’f’ buddy, living in perpetual hope that one or more future encounters with that person will one day make them say ‘I’ve fallen in love with you, you are the one’ but in reality you’ve ended up a booty call, relegated to nights when they don’t feel like self-service and can find no one else to scratch their particular itch.
Or with the right person can it actually lead to love and a relationship?