Can We Change Men?

Ladies and gentlemen: I finally have the pieces to the puzzle. What puzzle might you ask? The puzzle that explains why women want to change men.

As an active member of the Christian Culture Center (CCC), a church located in Brooklyn, N.Y., there are times I may not make it to church every Sunday (please Lord do not crucify me lol), but I will review videos on the site. A friend of mine told me to check out a video discussing women and men, and how they relate to one another.

My first tidbit: Relationships are the networks of life.

There is NO WAY anyone of us will strive upward on the ladder of success without a helping hand. In college professors and advisors all stress the importance of networking. The faster we learn we need each other the better our world will be. Somewhere between generations, we’ve lost the importance of growing and learning together.

However, how can we grow together if we do not know how? Three words: wisdom, understanding and knowledge. Wisdom is defined as an action of applying experience, knowledge and good judgment. Understanding is defined as the ability to perceive the intended meaning of words and actions. Last but certainly not least, knowledge, which is defined as information and skills acquired through experience and education. According to senior pastor of CCC, A.R. Bernard, wisdom builds, understanding establishes and knowledge fills. Yet, understanding is the major component of it all. Without understanding we are unable to discern the bigger picture.

Take men and women for instance, our biggest roadblock is the perception we build because we lack understanding of one another. Lets say there are two young adults both early to mid-twenties. The young woman has a degree, while the young man may not have finished or even attempted to purse a degree, a trade or something of the sort. The man may either feel: 1. The woman is out of his league or 2. He is incompetent to provide for her at the time. He either decides to end communication or tell the woman he cannot be whom she want and/or need at the moment. All the woman hears is that this man does not want to be with her. Why? Because she lacks understanding that he needs to better himself to be a good man in the future. She proceeds to react rather than respond.

Second tidbit: Women instead of trying to change a man, why don’t you learn to understand the man.

God created Eve to bring out the best man in Adam, not to change him. As woman we are suppose to compliment a man. The famous quote goes as following, “Behind every great man there is a woman.” The quote does not say the woman changed a man. Of course one must change in order to grow. Conversely ladies, it is not your job to change a man. A man needs you to love him for whom he is.

So I’ve told you why a woman should not change a man, but now I will explain to you why woman want to change a man.

Third tidbit: Women have an innate characteristic (or maybe responsibility) to redeem mankind.

According to A.R. Bernard, after sin entered the world Eve became the symbol of redemption. Redemption is defined as the thing that saves someone from sin or error. Women are led to believe we can redeem a man, save a man from sins or errors. Eve, who was once the blame for sin, became the symbol of redemption. Biblically speaking, women have an innate characteristic to redeem mankind.

In other words because women have the innate trait to redeem mankind, we tend to want to redeem the man. We hope that we can save the man from sinning or from making errors. We don’t think we are changing you, we believe we are making you a better person. However, because there is a lack of understanding, the man believes she is forcing him to change. If both men and women take the time to truly understand one another then they may comprehend the other’s approach.

My personal opinion: there is miscommunication and a lack of understanding.

Things women NEED to know:

Women we cannot change men
What you see is what you are going to get
Marriage is not a construction project
Only God can change a man
It is your duty to bring out the best in the man, rather than change him
Find a man who has vision and UNDERSTADNING to see that you are trying to bring out the best in him

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One thought on “Can We Change Men?

  1. Staffan says:

    I think women assume they can change men because they themselves have a greater capacity for change and assume that men are the same. Research shows that personality traits are more influenced by environment for women, but no men. This is also in line with the fact that almost everyone who has a personality disorder – meaning having an extreme and rigid personality – are men, some 90 percent if I remember correctly. I think it was the author Carol Shields who noted this when she claimed that being a man is like having a personality disorder.

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