Tag Archives: Confused

Mysterious

I want to pause time because I know the fate if time continues. We’re like a glass in mid air, just waiting to shatter. Not yet strong enough to weather a storm. Weakness will win and everything up to this point will be devoured. I feel it in my heart, a premonition of some sort– the pain I will soon feel when one of the best things has no choice but to end. That’s where I start to break, thinking about how this may be our closing act. To me, this is just the beginning, I’m not ready for this time to pass. It will hurt and to feel that feeling of hurt once again, that is one of my biggest fears. I have seen what it feels like to be truly happy, so how does one become capable of ever reverting back? I’m not ready for you to go, not quite yet… Why would he put you here and then take you so quickly away?

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Blah….

I’m really confused right now–
Not quite sure how to feel which really bothers me. I like to control things and if I am unable to do just that, I start to get a little anxious and I start to get a little crazy. Like most people, I fear what is left unknown to me. I need reassurance and I always need to be in the know. That’s the thing about me, I can’t stand to leave anything alone, especially anything I don’t know the answer to. Right now though, at this specific instance, I feel as if I am trying to figure out an answer to a question that doesn’t have an answer yet. I’m worrying about something I have no control over, I’m trying to fix something that’s not even broken. That isn’t good but that’s part of my problem. I will always be like this. No matter how good someone is to me, that doubt that inevitably always gets to my insecurities, will get in the way which does nothing but push people away.

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Blood

Too much passion, and too much love fill her veins. Maybe that’s why she cries tears of blood. Streaming down her soft, delicate face, the blood drips slowly. Her eyes welt as she cries over something she will never understand fully. Listen closely, you might hear the sound of her heart as it cracks. Be gentle, for the slightest movement could make the whole thing shatter. Don’t bother asking what’s the matter, the girl with the tears of blood will never tell. She will never open up, she will just pretend to be tough. But don’t let it fool you, deep down inside she has feelings too. Look hard enough you might witness everything she withholds internally, disregard what’s visible on the surface, look past what she let’s be seen externally. She hurts. She cries these tears of blood as the passion rips through her so armored veins. This girl is crumbling. Piece by piece, her whole world is fumbling. She needs a savior to come to her rescue. But no one hears her call. She can’t take it anymore, she can’t take it all. She who cries tears of blood, who guards herself so perfectly, who pretends to be okay, is fighting a battle she just can’t win. The only thing left is to give up, giving up is no sin. It’s alright, everything will be fine, she says trying to reassure her self. But who is she reassuring as her alter go starts to melt. The walls she has enforced are slowly starting to burn down. As the embers fly away, so does everything that has made this girl feel sound. She’s done. Exhausted. Crying tears of blood.

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Tears

Hidden tears fall from his eyes, invisible, undetectable to those who aren’t really looking. He’s reaching out, but no one is there to grab his hand. No one is there. So much pain he feels inside, its overwhelming. He tries to hide it. And he does this well. With a strong guard up no one would ever know that he is dying inside. His heart, slowly decaying piece by piece. Sooner or later, he will have no heart left. Heartless. His soul is cold, his soul is dead. Who he once was shall never return. The damage has already been done. But all he wanted was love, was that asking for too much? He just wanted to be loved and he wanted love to give out. The right person just never came along. Or maybe they did and he just didn’t realize it. Too blinded. The answer shall forever be unknown. He’ll just continue to find all the wrong answers, take all the wrong turns, open all the wrong doors. He who does not even know himself could never truly know another. How would he? Too caught up in trying not to believe what is reality. Too blinded by false love and admiration. But he has no choice because love is his antidote. Without it, who would he be? But I know what he feels inside. No matter how much he tries to act like he is okay, I know that he’s not actually okay at all. I am the only one he cannot fool. Push me away farther and farther, lies can only be believable for so long. One day he shall have an epiphany and I hope it’s than that he may find all the right answers.

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Love Isn’t

There is not ONE definition to love…

Love comes in many ways…

Many forms…

Don’t ever tell someone they’re not in love…

Simply because you don’t see it…

Or because it wasn’t your kind of love…

Love is always new…

Its always refreshing and crazy…

And insane…

Love isn’t one thing…

Its many things…

Its words too deep to say…

Feelings too strong to show…

But too often we confuse love…

With heartache…

Love isn’t pain…

Love aren’t tears…

Love isn’t losing self worth, or self value…

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Is It Enough?

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A lot of thoughts going through my head lately. I love my boyfriend more then anything in this world. We’ve been together for almost 3 years now and on and off since high school. But we fight and disagree all the time. He doesn’t see where I’m coming from. But ten he sends me little love notes like the ones below that make me feel good but still think is words enough?

I’ll die for you, I’ll walk miles for you, I’ll cry with you, I’m only here for you. Days without you drives me crazy. I know I’m mean at times but there’s no way to show you how I love you so much. I could try to buy you all the flowers, diamonds and things but thats only material things. My love for you is so much deeper and stronger. I knew I loved you from when I was 17 and I first laid eyes on you. Now we’re in our 20s and will soon be 30. I want to spend the rest of my life with you & and thats for real. I know I make my stupid mistakes over and over again. Believe me baby its only temporary. But you are forever and I am forever yours. I work hard to show you everyday that I love you. I don’t care what people say about us or how they think of us. Only person’s words I care about is yours. Please fight with me to keep this relationship solid like it is. I love you baby 😘❤💏💑

Every little thing you do is amazing. Its getting closer to our 3 yr mark and all I can do is smile from ear to ear. I enjoy being with you even though we have our disagreements. Which only makes us stronger. All I ever want to do for you is make you feel like a princess and love. I promise to stay faithful to you and to keep you safe. I love you baby. Forever

For me to say I don’t feel the same way that he does I would be lying to you all and myself! But I realized words isnt enough for me anymore. I’m 24 and I want more! I want a commitment! I need stability! And I miss the surprises, the romance and the spark we had in our relationship. Where he would show up at my house at 2-3 in the morning just to see me because he missed me, or coming to see me when he used to get out of work. Even just being on the phone with me for hours talking about everything and nothing. I miss the surprise little gifts he used to give me. Now I’m not saying I’m materialistic but a little gift here and there would be nice. Doesn’t matter whether he spent $1 or $100 it’s the thought that counts. Taking me out to eat all the time is not enough! I need the romance back! The spark!!

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