Tag Archives: dating

Damaged Heart

You may be capable of forgiving, but the forgetting part is out of your hands. Forgiveness is nothing to scoff at though, it takes a hell of a person with a mighty generous heart to experience some type of traumatizing betrayal and accept an apology. And people can be ruthless, so it’s not a given that you’ll even receive an apology at all. It forces us to deal with the wrongdoings internally before we can move on with life. Still — as difficult as forgiving may be, it’s ultimately up to you. The forgetting however, is not.

People seem less and less thoughtful about their actions. A moment of pleasure is constantly being chosen over potential years of reliability and happiness. Then, when the flash of indulgence is over, consideration for what has been done begins. People may start to feel bad; others may just feel scared that the truth will come out. For some it will take being caught to find out, for others, their conscious forces them to confess, but that doesn’t mean it hurts any less.

So whatever happened is now carved into your brain. It has left an unpleasantly deep wound that hurts regardless or apologies, excuses or explanations. You’re officially damaged and what people fail to realize is that it’s permanent. Playing with emotions, cheating, screwing people over, breaking trust – these things are taken lightly nowadays, and I can’t fathomwhy. When you do any of those things to a person, you are leaving them emotionally disabled for some time. We rehabilitate and when we do eventually “get over” things, all that means is that we’ve figured out a way to walk without each step hurting. But we’re well aware that if we walk a certain way, it might tweak the previous injury. Or even worse, tear the same wound wide open.

The lasting effects are simply inevitable.  You’ve learned to get along pain free because you walk with a limp to remain comfortable — and after so long, you make a habit of it. It’s second nature to get by the way you get by, until someone comes along and makes you consider trying that old method. The technique that broke you in the first place.

It can be hard, especially if the person trying to sweep you off your feet is doing everything so freakin’ perfect. It’d almost be better if they’d just mess up or show some awful red flag so we can get out of being vulnerable early on. Happiness with a person is too good to be true — it’s unfathomable that a person is genuinely concerned over you and has no ulterior motives that’ll cut you down eventually. That’s when we realize the extend of the previous damage, and just how broken we are. At times, a previously shattered heart has absolutely no idea how to respond to genuine care and affection, which is truly unfortunate. The person or people from the past who’ve hurt you still linger, even long after they’re gone.

One time is all it takes. Once you’ve been damaged, you don’t fully recover, so much as you teach yourself to cope. The wounds are there, the lessons are learned, the memories are engraved, and you’ve got to decide if you want to do it all over again – or if you’re even capable of that. A damaged heart is tentative and that’s got to be clear to anyone seeking to win you over. On your own time, as you’re ready, you’ll have to drop the crutches, dip your toes in to test the waters, and, when the time is right, love hard as you loved before.

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One Night Stand

When it comes to sex how soon is too soon? When is the right time to go from cinema, wine & dine to home movies and 69? It’s a question which has plagued so many singles active on the dating scene for years.

They say a woman knows in the first 15 minutes of meeting a guy if he might make a suitable sexual partner at some point. For the guys it’s a lot quicker, an almost instinctual impulse. So when is an acceptable time to act on those impulses and still maintain your self-respect?

I’m not questioning the morality of two people meeting purely to satisfy each other’s basic desires, (that’s consenting adults making a conscious choice). I’m referring to the mutual attraction two people feel when they meet and sense the possibility of forming a sustainable relationship of sorts in the future.

Is it acceptable to go all the way on the first date? Our American cousins tend to favour a 3 date rule while some believe three months is a reasonable amount of time to wait and get comfortable before bumping nasties. But if you make the other person wait too long do you risk them losing interest or seeking physical interactions elsewhere. On the other hand if you go too soon do you risk the many stigmas attached to casual sex, most of which are unfortunately targeted solely at women.

Unfortunately even the most liberal and forward thinking men fall fowl of the old stereotypes and attitudes, ”why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” After a pleasurable encounter, lingering questions can sneak into the mind; if he/she slept with me that quickly they might not be worth anything more than one night or a casual relationship; how many other people have they bedded that easily? Experience can be beneficial but no one wants a ‘slag’ for a partner, whether male or female.

Make the wrong choice with the wrong person and before you know it you could end up their ’f’ buddy, living in perpetual hope that one or more future encounters with that person will one day make them say ‘I’ve fallen in love with you, you are the one’ but in reality you’ve ended up a booty call, relegated to nights when they don’t feel like self-service and can find no one else to scratch their particular itch.

Or with the right person can it actually lead to love and a relationship?

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Bromance!!!

They come over unannounced, call your man at all hours of the day or night, and are always making plans that take away from your quality time with your man! Whether he refers to them as the “fella’s”, “homies”, “boys” or “guys; they are your man’s friends and they are always around! They are invading your personal space and monopolizing all of his free time. It’s a constant battle over who is going to get to spend time with him, you or his friends. We at EGL understand that dating a man that has a strong “bro-mance” may be stressful on the relationship. No woman wants to feel like they are competing for their man’s attention but what do you do when that’s exactly what you have been doing? Even though it is frustrating to date a man who hangs out with friends, parties and socializes frequently; it doesn’t mean that it is impossible to have a successful relationship. Follow these tips on how to overcome this issue without making him feel like you are asking him to choose.

Tips on how to be the other woman in a “Bro-mance”

Set a Date: If it is hard to spend quality time alone with your boo because he is always hanging with his boys, try to set a reoccurring date night with him. It can be weekly or monthly but let him know this is the day you two spend together, uninterrupted. This gives you the attention you need while giving him enough time in advance to alter his plans with his friends.
Phone Curfew: You both can discuss and agree on a time when you both turn your phones on silent or off. This extra time at night will give you guys more time to relax and spend more intimate time together.
Group Fun: It sometimes is difficult to not feel like the 3rd or 5th wheel when hanging out with your man and his friends. So why not invite your friends to along too. This way it will be group fun and you won’t feel so compelled to focus on the fact that you don’t have your man’s undivided attention.
Women should never make their mate feel pressured to distance themselves from their friends. But at the same time, women should emphasize the importance of quality time, especially if a lot of the other free time is consumed by so many other people. A healthy relationship is about the system of checks and balances; being heard by your mate is just as important as listening to your mate. So, be sure to discuss the need for you to be satisfied in the relationship, without him having to give up on his need for friendship.

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Why Is He With Her?

Many people are guilty of looking at a relationship and if one of the people are not what we deem as attractive, rhetorically asking, “Ugh! Why is he even with her?” I am sure some men do this too but for the most part, you hear women say it, as if being “pretty” is the only reason someone could possibly BE with someone else. I have said it before but I know better than to REALLY believe this is the only reason a man could possibly love and marry a woman. Sometimes the most successful relationships are with people who aren’t beauty queens or stunning charmers. People who don’t spend ALL of their free time on “looking good” have time to work on other endearing, everlasting qualities like AND…their personalities.

When I have said it, I can honestly say I was joking because I know better. However, I am beginning to think that some women are dead ass serious when making this statement. It makes me a little concerned. I see all of these blogs, tweets, articles, etc. written about women having problems finding men. Could it be because your focus is on the wrong thing? If you are over 25 and looking to get into a serious relationship, whether you are male or female, your main concern should be how someone is going to treat you. I think it should be a big concern if you are under 25 but most people in that age bracket aren’t trying to settle down with one person so your relationship priorities tend to be different.

Seriously, if your biggest concern is “why is he with her? she’s fat/ugly/can’t dress/etc”, you might not need to be in a relationship at all. Could it be that he actually loves her? Isn’t that what’s most important? I hear and see so many people CLAIM they want a man/woman but what they are projecting doesn’t say that. It says “I want someone to show off to my family and friends”. As you mature, you find out that having a “trophy” for a relationship isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. That’s some high school shit.
If you’re an outsider looking in, there is a plethora of things you’ll never be privy to that makes those two people think the world of each other. I wish people would get that.

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Masturbation Is Ok!!!

There’s a myth that if you’re giving a woman the ‘good tings’ (colloquial slang for REALLY pleasing intercourse) then she will have no need or desire to masturbate. Wrong.

See – quick and painless, like pulling off a beeswax strip from your labia is how such news should be given. Men, take note:
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The act of masturbation is not a substitute for lack of sex, whether in quality or quantity. It should be an exploration of oneself. The more a woman knows her body and what it likes the MORE THINGS she will be willing to try to reach those heights (ie with YOU). A woman who is comfortable and confident with her orgasm will be freer in mind and ultimately with her partner in bed.

You want to know how to get her to act out that scene from the DVD with you? Encourage her exploration… Most women would love to be confident enough to take control in sex, and most men would revel in the experience of being ‘seen’ to by a woman, but fear of doing it wrong stands in the way.

No need to feel inadequate when she licks her fore and middle fingers before soaking her clitoris in her own saliva. If you’re lucky enough to be present when she is doing this, my friend get ready for the fuck of your life when she is done. Kick back and suck on a titty if you’re feeling left out but god whatever you do don’t question what she is doing!

If you’re relationship with her exploration
is still in the early stages, and the only thing you actually witness first hand is the changing of sheets or her wrinkled finger tips fret not. These are VERY good signs. If your woman is able to make herself climax to the point of wrinkled fingertips she’s learnt to embrace her orgasm (over and over and over again…)

If you’re not following, let me paint you a picture. When you were little, playing in the bath pretending to be a superhero fighting baddies underwater? Your mum would be shouting at your for an hour telling you to get out and when you finally did obey all of your toes and fingers would be wrinkled up like prunes. Awwww fond memories right? Now swap bath for bed and batman figure for 8ins rubber vibrator and instead of pretending to be a superhero she is imagining you sucking on her pussy so good that sweet warm juices are just flowing all over her fingers. How long do you reckon a pussy would have to be played with for your fingers wrinkle up?

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Wham. Bam. Thank you ma’am. Moral of my story? Share the experience, don’t be in a made up competition with your partner. It’s like your dick being jealous when your tongue is in between her thighs. We’re all on the same team. I promise.

Embrace the O girls, you’ll live longer!

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Women Today

I often discuss the state of men, but recent events and conversations have lead me to pay attention to what’s going on with women. Relationships that work do so because both parties can work together. Relationships that don’t work have issues on many tiers and both people involved contribute to the dysfunction. Since 50% of American marriages end in divorce, it is worth looking at some variances with women.

Here are some examples of what I’ve heard about and noticed lately.

Ms. Independent

Now, do not mistake independence for an issue, it’s not. Just going on definition alone, adults who are not dependent on another are smiled upon financially. So an independent woman just means she does not financially need another adult to ensure her care. However, in the social realm, Ms. Independent has taken on some height and control that she is not necessarily warranted. For example, she needs to have a voice in every decision down to the last detail. You can’t even go on a decent date because she needs to choose how she’s picked up (if she doesn’t like your car, she’ll meet you there), where you’ll go, what you eat, how you transition, etc. She makes it known that she doesn’t need you for anything, just in case you didn’t already know, and she holds herself much higher than her colleagues would. The thing is, Ms. Independent has had a dream deferred. In her younger years, she dreamed of what her adult life should be. She’d go to college, gain her degree, launch a well-paying career, meet her Prince Charming, get married to her Prince and have little princes and princesses, live in a fancy middle to high class neighborhood, drive a luxury vehicle, and have spa days and brunches with the girls every other weekend. Yes, she had it all planned, even the wedding dress, colors, rings, and flower arrangements. However, life has happened and she worked hard to build her career, but that’s the only thing working. Since her timeline is off and life has thrown her a loop, she’s actually suffering from an internal emotional conflict. She no longer believes in the happily ever after, but she wants to. Dealing with this conflict distracts her from everything in her life except her career. So her Ms. Independent, “I don’t need any man” attitude really means “Dear God, could you please send me a man to satisfy my needs!” She’s actually desperate to have a man in her life, but has lost how to be woman enough to attract the right man.

Ms. Sex Kitten

Yea, the men love her, if only but for a moment. I mean, she’s needy as hell and men love that. They gravitate to her absolutely needing them to get through even the most basic things in life. She’s cute or even beautiful. She goes to work, makes her own money, but doesn’t always have the most common sense. She’s not dumb by any stretch of the imagination, but her logic is a bit different than many others. She enjoys life to the fullest. She parties hard, loves easily, dates a lot of men, and sexes most of them even though she’d never tell anyone her business. See, many women despise her because she’s naturally found her woman hood and almost every many can sense it. She enjoys the simplest elements of life, doesn’t need to control any situation, and goes with the flow almost all the time. She flirts without knowing it and draws lots of attention with no effort. However, she grows old and is still single. It baffles me as to why, but then it dawned on me. She doesn’t require anything from men. She allows them to take total and complete control of each and every relationship until she gets 3 years down the road and realizes she is unhappy. She’s lost her voice. Even the men she really wanted to marry, she would brush the topic off when he asked her about it. So he began to think that she didn’t want marriage or even a solid relationship. All play and no voice leads to nothing. She needs some balance.

Mistress of Distress

Now this woman is always having issues. It’s like, you begin to wonder how much of it is real and how much isn’t. However, her constant emotional and often physical ailments put her in a position to literally need a man in her life because all other loved ones have grown tired of caring for her multiple issues. Thing about it is, this lady has probably had multiple marriages and may currently be married. She is an average woman, works, has her own financially, and has a huge heart. She ultimately has a lot to give to a husband and a family if she could just get to a place where she is mentally, emotionally, and physically stable. Thing is, men already come to the table with varied emotions and even more varied methods of really dealing with those emotions. To combine this with an unstable woman, one would think would be a recipe for disaster, but is not always necessarily the case.

In reviewing these cases, I realize that successful relationships don’t discriminate between financially successful versus unsuccessful adults. The variances are generally embedded in the characters who operate the relationship. Regardless of class, attitude determines the success rate of a relationship.

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I Want And Need

I want someone that can accept who I am and who I was… Because the truth is I don’t have such a pleasant past… But its made me the beautiful person I am today… So my past… Is still part of me… If you can’t accept my past… That means you’re only choosing to love half of me… And I want someone that can love all of me… I want someone that can accept I hate shopping… And that I don’t care how I look to others… Fuck looking cute and complimenting each other… Lets compliment our happiness… I like to laugh out loud in public and do silly things that make us look insane… But happy… Really happy… I want someone that know I have a hamper that’s over flowing with insecurities… That I’m intimidated by those I actually like… And a nervous wreck when they stand close enough to hear me breathe… Which is probably stupid but I want someone who can work with me on that… Someone to make me feel comfortable and beautiful… I like to lay on grass, and take random walks, and go on random dates and adventures… I just want someone that’s ready for that ride… That wouldn’t mind doing those things… With me… I don’t want someone perfect… I’m not perfect myself… I’m clumsy as fuck… I tend to trip over self esteem all the time… I’m corny… And annoying and sometimes hardheaded and stubborn… I want someone with flaws so I won’t feel like a complete mess around them… I want someone that can help me pick up the pieces to build an “us”… The way we want… And even if things get bumpy and conversations turn into arguments… I want someone to stick around and fix things… Rather than walking away with the tool box… I mean we can be partners in this… Whatever it is… Screw a relationship… We don’t have to call it that… We can call it whatever we want… As long as its just us… You and me… Accepting the misunderstanding is us…

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