Tag Archives: dating

Everyone Hates

I’ma get back to how I use to be.
Keep it real.

Ooh girls.

You know that in your life there is that one b**** that you hate. You loathe her.  You’d love to log on Facebook or some shit and read on her status that she’s having a bad day.

But, you’re like, “Damn, she’s pretty.” “I love her long hair.” “She look real cute in that outfit.”

And you don’t hate her for what assets she possesses! No, that’s just petty and stupid. (Although some girls are like that.)

You can just acknowledge when someone’s pretty. Or when they look good. Right?

Yes.

But, on the inside you’re like, “Man, for all that pretty, there is some real ugly on the inside. What a fuckin’ waste.”

Don’t deny this girls.
If at this very moment you’re thinking, “I’m not like other girls, I’m not like that, I have better shit to do.”

You’re one of those girls I don’t like.

ALL GIRLS are like this. And not just at one point in their life.

Us girls, can hate someone for a completely different reason then why we find them appealing to the eye.

I’m that girl that doesn’t start shit with the girl I hate. I just hate her, and I’ll think things and say things and get annoyed when she opens her mouth. But, I’ll compliment her when she lookin’ real good.

Some people call that being fake, I call it being civil.

Example: I could hate this girl for something she said to me, or what she did to a friend, or how outrageous she is (in a bad way.).
I could look her up and down and think, “Damnit, I love her shirt. Where she get that? Her hair looks good. God. Fuckit I’ma tell her she looks pretty today.”
But at the end of the day you just hate that bitch.
And chances are, she thinks the same about you.

Now, if you’re on the receiving end of this hatred you could be one of two things.

The bitch everyone hates.

Or the bitch that stood up for herself and now the bitch everyone hates has declared war.

Guess what though?

You’re both fabulous.

If you’re confused about this train of thought.

Think of this.

A girl can think a guy is fuckin’ hot and also think he’s a dick.

Same goes for two girls.

Yup.

Girl logic.

Keep up. ❤

 

 

 

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Beautiful

“You always been fast but trust me I never been slow… I figured your emotional state was hurt but damn 5 years later you all about this glow… All about these laughs… All about these jokes… All about these words… That I can tell come from your soul… You love to write… I respect that.. You have become literature… Literally a character that’s some what fictional… Mystical… your ambiguous hard to decipher… Yet your aura so lyrical… You’re a walking sentence… Paragraph… Maybe even a story… Your body language speaks loud… But the moral of the story is everything but phony… Once again I respect that… You always kept it real… How could I neglect that… Its important to self reflect on your life… I know you’ve danced with many of life’s thorns… Probably even made love to them because you’re scarred inside… And you had a big stumble in your life… Which is why you hesitate to accept shit… You’re always questioning why… But… The past few years you went through a beautiful transition… Literally into a woman… Can’t front you went through a few crazy stages but only until you find a personality that fits comfortably… I think we can both agree that evidently your eyes are open and now you see… In a different way and damn you deep… Your words are heavy… Probably because they all drowned in tears… In experience… But now that you’re on the other side don’t forget to reminisce…”

This is a poem that a really good friend of mine wrote for me to lift my spirits. When I read this I was almost in tears.. I hope you enjoy it!!!

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Friendship Is Important

It happens all the time. Boy meets girl, they become friends, date, then get married. Ideal relationships in a compact nutshell.

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But what gets lost in this is the friendship. It’s sad to see some people think of marriage as two people who don’t talk, don’t have sex, just have rings on their fingers and sharing the same last name.

That’s not marriage.

But in marriages like that, what happened? They lost the friendship. Plain and simple they forgot how they got to where they are. Some people are willing to do all the work to get to the top of the mountain without realizing that it’s much easier once you’re at the top to fall off.

The pinnacle of any serious relationship is marriage so keeping the friendship aspect alive and fresh is a must. There’s a reason you both got together and fell in love enough to commit your lives to each other, so go back to the basics. It should never get to the point where you have to rekindle your relationship but if it does it’s as easy as reprising the friendship. Go back to where you started. Chemistry and a connection can go dormant but never does it die.

So ask yourself, what do we like to do together? Where’s somewhere we can just getaway and talk?

Go somewhere and hangout- make new memories and cherish the friendship that you’ve built over time. Cherish and cater to the friendship because too many times we only focus on the romantic part of a relationship and forget the daily grind. The friendship should in most cases take precedence over the romantic aspect because it’s the foundation.

Having a great friendship with great communication is a recipe for a successful relationship. Unfortunately Cupid’s arrow doesn’t ensure everlasting love. Once you have it you have to work on it and the easiest way to do that is to get back to the basics. Don’t forget the friendship.

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Bitches!!

 

After my post on different dating theories I still couldn’t shake the idea that women view dating so differently. It then got me thinking about how some women are so competitive when it comes to dating. It’s all….”I’m dating 5 guys at the moment and it’s becoming so difficult, who should I choose when they are all so great” or “I am dating this fireman and he tells me how beautiful I am every hour”.  Who the fuck cares! I understand with men that there is something biological that makes them contend with each other but now women too?

I think competition among friends happens subconsciously, I know I am guilty of it, especially when it comes to sex, which is not hard as I am pretty sure I am the kinkiest and smuttiest among my girlfriends but compared to others out there I would probably come off very charlotte. Why do we do this to each other? Are we that insecure in our lives that we need to bring each other down, or are we just reminding ourselves that we are great. Do we need validation for our choices from each other?

Which brings me back to the comparisons girls make on each other. God we can be bitches sometimes.  I have a friend who is a successful woman who is extending herself for the sake of multi dating. I have to admit, I judged her as she was driving herself to sickness with spending every night either working late or dating. For some reason I thought she was meeting so many new men just to keep up with me and my tallying number. But I was wrong; she was doing it because she was ready to meet someone who deserved her.

I felt awful and really shouldn’t have been so quick to judge. It was like comparing gymnastics to shotput (yes, I have been watching the London Olympics). I would hate it if I knew someone was comparing me to how they would date, when they had no idea what my back story is and what I am trying to win. We should be supporting our each other in winning a gold medal (love) or even for just participating in the race that is finding that special someone.

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Lasting Relationship

I think it is strange how people become “only friends” when a relationship falls apart. I think it is awkward and no matter how at peace you are with the other person or your understanding of how things turned out, there is always going to be that little reminder known as, well, memories I think it is even stranger when you are in a committed relationship with your lover but are no longer friends. There isn’t much laughter or random joy- you just end up going through what some refer to as “the motions”. I’m not sure how it works when you are friends first- I don’t think I have had that relationship. Maybe that says something about me >.<

It isn’t hard to love someone- when you are in love and it is reciprocated, you just do it and it feels right and there is nothing in the back of your mind saying otherwise. It comes natural to value and protect the love you have and feel it throughout you- mind, body, and soul. But it isn’t always easy to maintain a friendship with someone- especially someone you know as intimately as you do a lover.

You will see them at their best and be thankful and proud to have this person in your life. You will see them at their worst and do everything you can to support and encourage them- even if their actions are making you crazy. You will learn to compensate for each others flaws and learn how to meet emotional needs, even if they seem unjustified. You will notice habits and quirks that were always there but never in your own mind, or at least never on your mind, that will suddenly affect your perception of them. You will disagree and protest, feel hurt and denied. You will share most of your moments and each experience will not be your own, but become a piece of your history together.

This is an awful lot to go through- just two souls sharing such an epic journey through a spiritual plane. It is a journey that is both dual and singular in its emotional expanse. Each of your emotions are singular and of your own mind- reactions and feelings that your self processes without the influence of anyone else. When sharing an experience with someone else- their personal interpretation affects you (and is affected by you). You know? Basic togetherness.

But when you think about the immensity of how much of your life will be a “dual” experience- it either feels joyous, comforting, and beautiful or overwhelming, taxing, and possibly ominous. I guess that’s why they say it is important to really know yourself. You wouldn’t want to get lost in someone’s idea of who you should be. In order to have a healthy friendship I personally believe in equal parts most everything with a few surpluses, allotments, and pardons when needed. Friends understand that things will not always be perfect, but they will always be.

If we can’t share a beautiful time together and be happy and fulfilled- are we really friends? If time together isn’t a “good time”- then what is it? If you share your bed or your last name or a house but share nothing that will someday be majestic nostalgia or simple, bittersweet wistfulness- how do we grow beyond the aforementioned? Lovers with no desire to be friends will collapse. Misery, sadness, loneliness, and animosity will eclipse your sentiment. A lasting relationship requires two souls to be lovers, friends, individuals, and a team.

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Falling In Love

Falling in love is one of the best feelings you could ever have in life. People write books about it, songs too. But you’ve got to know just what it is that you’re falling into. Which brings us to one question- What is love?

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First of all it’s one of the hardest questions to answer. Ask 10 different people and you’ll most likely get 10 different answers.

In the dictionary, Love is defined as an intense feeling of deep affection. But what exactly does that mean?

Love is a wonderful, beautiful, incredible feeling. However at the same time it’s maddening and detrimental. So what’s the real love?

Love is the foundation of all human emotion. Every emotion you could possibly have is linked to love in some way. Have a hater? Most likely they hate because there’s something about you that they’d love to have. Afraid of something? I’m sure you’d love to stay away from it. Mad because you would love things to be different. Sad because you loved the way things used to be. Every single emotion is tied in with love.

Love starts off with two things- Connection and Chemistry. The heart is always looking for love whether you are or not. With that said, when you meet someone and you have instant chemistry the heartstrings get pulled and the seeds of love get planted. Depending on the situation, these seeds can grow into a weed or a rainforest so its paramount that you’re mindful of your feelings and are very open with yourself about what you’re feeling.

One thing that’s almost impossible to do is to suppress love and deny the heart of its’ desire. As the foundation of all emotions, love is a dominant matter of the heart and as such is stubborn. Denying your heart its desire will only make it grow and grow until you can’t deny it anymore. So be honest with yourself about the way you’re feeling and don’t be afraid to love when given the opportunity. But second and maybe even more importantly, make sure that you’re open to the other person. Love is a tricky thing but the one thing that sucks is when you’re falling in love alone. So once again, communication is key.

One thing to remember is to be fearless as it comes to love. Never be afraid of letting out just how you feel with someone that you have a connection with. Ideally you want the love to grow at the same rate so if the feeling begins to hit you just be honest about it and upfront. You never know, you may not be alone in how you feel.

Loving someone is your heart’s choice. Falling for them is yours.

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It’s effortless to feel love for people because for the most part we as people are predisposed to caring for others. Acting on those feelings however is a totally different beast.

Falling in love is as much about love as it is your fearlessness and willingness to act on it. You have the person that you care for, the chemistry and the connection is there and you’re ready to act. You’re ready to say it… At least you think so.

But how would you know for sure?

The true test of a relationship is not what you absolutely love and adore about a person, but what you don’t like and how you can handle or tolerate it.

A good example is if you’re dating someone and everything is perfect up until they get upset about something. They tend to get very violent and confrontational and takes it out on you. You may love that person’s smile, the way they treat you when they’re happy, even down to the sex- but if they get angry and make your life hell, how long can you tolerate that?

So what’s needed is to find out what you don’t like about that person and think about how you can handle it. You can’t just love a person for the good and hate them for the bad. To truly be in love you have to either love or tolerate everything about a person. That’s the true test of if it’s going to work or not.

You can start off early by asking someone about what they’re self-conscious about. Chances are they’ll tone it down, but just having an idea of what they don’t like about themselves will give you a window into something you may not like. If they tell you something that they don’t like about themself that you also can’t stand, chances are that you’re just biding time. The key to true love is to love freely. Flaws and all. So if you have a Boyfriend/Girlfriend who is also ashamed of the things you’re self-conscious about- you just may be wasting time.

But let’s just say that you’ve found for the most part things that you don’t like and you’ve spent time around each other and you can tolerate it. Then by all means, take the leap and fall right into love. Ignoring things you don’t like and expecting them to change will ultimately destroy the relationship. It can be like a chip in the windshield that turns into a crack. Get the chip fixed. Communicate.

So how do you know you’re in love? You take the leap. You can love anybody, but truly acting on it and giving in to it, as well as admitting it is when you know. Like momma often says “When you know, you know.” Some things are just that simple.

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It Speaks

Love speaks in a thousand different ways.
The voices of millions say it differently yet the message is the same.

It is sought by the poor, the rich and the middle man.
It is desired by male and female, old and young.

When love speaks and is heard, it defies the rational and the intellect.
It is heard with the heart and felt in the soul.

I say it with words. You say it with touch.
She says it with nurturing. He says it with providing.
We say it with submission. They say it with guidance.

Love speaks in laughter. Love speaks in a glance.
Love speaks with a hand held. Love speaks in a tender caress.
Love speaks with laundry done. Love speaks with oil changed.

Love speaks in silent companionship on nights littered with scattered dreams, broken promises, waste baskets overflowing with soiled tissues.
Love speaks in cheers and applause on days filled with the efforts of teams in blazing hot sun in fields far from home.
Love speaks in careful administration of pills, bandages, meals and bed changes.

Love speaks in a thousand different ways.
It is heard with the heart and felt with the soul.
The voices of millions say it differently yet the message is the same.

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