Tag Archives: Family

Of This I’m Sure

You are not a bad person for hurting other people. Everybody hurts.

Build your karma so it can afford to take a hit every so often.

Never say never.

Tell your mother you love her.

Be honest with men, even if it is embarrassing, even if you have to be vulnerable out of your comfort zone, even if it takes tequila and red wine to get it out of you.

Tequila confessions still count.

Bone crushing hugs are the best kind.

No one else notices the three pounds.

Love your girlfriends, in spite of their flaws. You will need them to love you in spite of yours someday soon.

Etta James and Ray Charles know everything.

When you say, “don’t tell anyone,” they will tell at least someone.

Your friends’ opinions matter, but so do yours. It is your life to live, after all.

It is okay to fall in love fast, and fall out of it even faster. It just means you are passionate.

Listening to the same song on repeat does not hurt the other songs’ feelings. Go for it.

The written word is not a lesser way of communicating what you need. Some people can’t speak as well as they write.

Nobody likes cover letters.

Sometimes, the cover really is better than the original.

It is okay to disagree with your friends, it will only build your respect for one another.

The most eloquently stated opinion is not necessarily the best one. Don’t let others’ intelligence intimidate you.

Thank your mother.

It is more than okay to not know. Anything.

There is always someone better at what you do. Fuck ’em, your talent can still be recognized.

Girlfriends will always, always break your heart more than boyfriends.

You do not have to turn your frown upside down if you do not feel like smiling.

Read others’ words. They build yours.

Never, ever, ever stop believing something you believe in because someone else asks you to stop.

Drink the damn glass of wine.

Small talk isn’t all that important anyway.

Sometimes, it is okay to baby a sad man’s insecurities.

It is okay to know that you need a lot of attention.

It is okay to want to be held.

It is okay to cry, even in front of people.

You do not have to be an animal person.

You do not have to be a people person, either.

Participate in conversation, without your cell phone sitting on the table face-up. At the end of your life, do you want to remember talking to your friends, or checking your facebook while they were talking to you?

The ones who you can call in the middle of the night are the good ones.

There are eight different definitions for the word “family” in the English language. Sharing common ancestry does not have to mean a thing. When you are old enough to decide, you can choose your own family. Your aunt can just be your mother’s sister. Your cousins can just be people you grew up with.

Do what your brother asks of you.

At the end of the day you truly are a gem, baby girl.

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It’s Time

I started this blog to help myself heal from the past, the mistakes made, and move forward. In actuality it has made some upset. I guess I can understand that some people don’t want to hear about “what” happen and can just ignore it and go on living. However, I can’t anymore. I have chosen to put this beast to bed. “What” happen has controlled my life for too long and I am not giving it anymore energy to carry on.

I have recently made the decision that if people want to have a relationship with me, they will put the effort forth themselves to do so. I feel like I have been eating crow way too long, apologized way too much, and compromised way too often. While they all sit there and look at me….judging my every move, every decision, every reaction. I am NOT perfect, I never will be, and I never claimed to be. I am just me, either you take me the way I am or not at all.

It feels as though the healthier I get the more dysfunctional my family seems. Maybe I am seeing things differently? All these years that therapists, friends, and counselors have been telling me that my family is part of my problem….wait…they were all right??? I defended my family tooth and nail through every agonizing group, session, conversation, etc. only to find out that the whole time I was defending them, they were pushing me down in the mud? Seriously? Yes! They were! For all these years I have been their scapegoat, the black sheep, the “Fuck Up” and now I am no longer in that role. Whatever will they do? I’ll tell you, they talk about me like a dog. Like I was never even a part of the family, I was used to make them feel better about themselves.

So, where do I go from here?

I continue to move forward, and never look back. I take things one day at a time and appreciate what I do have. I have a lot to be thankful for. When I look back at where I came from, and how far I have come from there, I am living a great life, with great family, friends, and loved ones. It’s not my entire family that has let me down, just a small portion, and what I find ironic is they only really talk to each other.

It’s hard not to feed into the negativity and that is why I waited to post on here, I didn’t want to just go on a random rant and spew venom everywhere, I had to think about it, not react. That’s hard for me. I have been sucked into this time and time again, and finally I am strong enough to just turn around and walk the fuck away. It’s what I like to call Self-Preservation.

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Awkward Moments

How often do you find yourself in situations you want to escape? Think about it… whether haphazardly or intentional (though I hope no one would purposefully create awkward situations for him/herself), we’ve ALL encountered a moment in which hanging upside from our toenails would bring more pleasure than the embarrassing discomfort of “that awkward moment”. I used to think that as I got older, I’d conquer all things embarrassing. I’m sad to say, my friends, that it’s become worse than I ever imagined. Adding insult to injury, these moments know no limits; they respect no boundaries, and they cross all color, gender, religious, and socio-economic lines. No one is exempt.

So far, I hope you’ve found comfort in knowing that you’re not the only person who’s encountered someone or something that’s left you feeling like the biggest idiot in the history of idiots, because you are not alone. I’m inviting you to explore life’s ability to strip us of all dignity & self-respect through the unfortunately normal occurrences of “that awkward moment”. I intend to share my experiences as honestly & vulnerably as possible, in hopes of helping you cope with the bounty of shame hidden in the recesses of your Facebook and Twitter posts. We’ll explore a variety of topics: love, education, family, friends, and anything else that provides the perfect awkward moment for us to share. Please read “That Awkward Moment” in front of the title of a post, because that will help you know exactly what we’re going to discuss. If at any point your grief becomes too great, don’t tell me. There’s nothing I can do to help (I’m kidding). Please, feel free to respectfully leave your innermost feelings in the comment section, and let’s unite in order to figure out what to do with all these awkward moments.

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Happy Fathers Day!!

I want to wish a Happy Father’s Day to all the fathers out there. Everyone please cherish the moments you have with your father. You don’t know when God will decide to make him your angel like he did to me. It’s been three years without you dad. Today is such a horrible day. But I lost more than a father I lost my best friend. The only man that loved me for me unconditionally. Whenever I needed him good or bad or a shoulder to cry on and be held he was there. Every night I close my eyes and see your face. Feels like I’m with you. I know god took you to go be with my two other “fathers” Uncle Dominick and Zio Lino. It just isn’t fair. I wish I had all three of you here with me today to spend the day with me. But I know that’s impossible. I know that all three of you are watching over me today and are with me to help me get through the day. No matter what I carry you all in my heart every day and my life changed since you’ve left me. Especially you daddy. I will never have you there to hold my hand and arm and walk me down the aisle at my wedding and you will never be here to hold your first grandchild. Novak to everyone out there please no matter how many times you fight I must stress please cherish the moments you have. Because I will no longer have those sweet moments with my father or uncles anymore. My fairy tale ended the day my father left me. I miss you daddy more than anything in the world. Please watch other me today and always. See you in my dreams daddy! Happy Father’s Day Daddy!

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Bad Day

As I am sitting here blogging away. It’s just me trying to distract my self from thinking about what today is. Today makes 3 years my father passed away. Feels like it just happened yesterday!

Here is a picture of me and my father the Christmas before he passed away. It sucks that he was only 53 and he will never see me get married or meet his grand kids.

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All I have to say to all is please cherish the moments you have with your parents and loved ones. You’ll never know when they won’t be there anymore. I found out at the age of 20 what it’s like to have no father in my life. Worst feeling ever to have bury my father at such a young age.

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Secrets

Many people suffer heartache, abuse, pain from all different kinds of situations. There is too many incidents of abuse, neglect, hurt and pain that goes on right between the walls you live in. People reach out for help by telling family a secret that shouldn’t be a secret and Family just cover the pain up, not realizing it never goes away for the person who hurts. Yeah, I’m sure everyone got a family secret, right? Parents often overlook things or rather be in denial because they don’t know how to handle things or process it all. Well it’s not good because as a child they want to know that no matter what they can go to their parents and they will protect them, believe in them and trust them.

Parents take the time to talk to your kids and stop putting people before them. Take chances with your own life but don’t put your child in danger because you want to live foolish. Sometimes you know the answer you just refuse to accept it because then you have to face the ugly truth. The mirror you stand in every morning only reflect what you look like, but your heart that beats inside you holds the truth of who you really are!

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