Tag Archives: friends

It Was All Good Just A Week Ago…

Some friendships do last ‘forever’ and I don’t think anyone enters any friendship thinking to themselves, “oh, I’m only going to tolerate this mofo for a year and then I’m on to the next one”. When friendships fizzle, both parties go through their moments of wondering what went wrong. Some people blame the other person 100% for the loss, others blame themselves. Then there are those who take the “reason, season” approach; they appreciate the time they did have and easily move on and away from said friend to go experience friendship with someone else.
From what I have observed, the friendships that hurt the most when you lose them are those that were actually built on what you believed to be a sturdy foundation because you’d been friends for SO long. There is this misconception that just because you are close enough to label one another “best friend” that you ALWAYS have to be in that persons life. You don’t. Things fall apart sometimes and close friends can become enemies.
I’m currently seeing this happen with one of my friends. They’ve been friends with someone for over 20 years but they cannot even mention this persons name without a tinge of disgust in their voice. I totally understand the reasoning behind it but if I had to say which one was wrong, I’d say both are. One of the individuals has decided to move on and not discuss any of their feelings about their friend, WITH their friend. The other party involved chooses to express themselves through status messages, tweets, and pretending their other friendships are so much more important. Both people are just hurting each other even more; which makes their friendship deteriorate further.
For some, it becomes a blow to their pride to admit when they’re wrong, jealous, hurt, or just don’t like how they’re being treated. Women tend to be able to do this easier but most men…they don’t want to be looked at as acting like a chick so they’ll let their friendship die. All in an effort to preserve an ego that probably caused their friendship to start crumbling in the first place.
I have been here before and I don’t desire to go back. No matter how irritating it might be to someone, I will let them know when I have a problem. I don’t feel like the demise of a friendship should come as a shock to anyone. Respect that person you heralded as a friend to let them know what’s going on from your point of view. It does matter. If you were both in it to win it at some point, the least you can do is let that be known. After you let so much time pass, pretending not to care, it turns EXACTLY into you NOT caring. You become indifferent and that persons feelings are no longer even important to you…when “just a week ago” you would have defended them.
Long, meaningful relationships are worth attempting to save. The nature of your friendship might change but you don’t have to “lose” a friend due to differences and misunderstandings; that’s what communication is for. So, if you gave a damn about this person “just a week ago”, let them know. Real friends are able to get pass bumps in the road. If you can’t manage to do that, then maybe you weren’t that good of friends to begin with…
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Friend Card

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ph: Nevena Popovic

My love story is ridiculous, and after a year and a half, it finally ended. No, my boyfriend didn’t break up with me. No, my almost lover didn’t dump me. No, my sex-buddy didn’t leave me. But the only boy I’ve truly ever loved, my best friend, hurt me. Let me down. Broke my heart for the first time ever.

It all started at a Christmas party with friends. He was my other best friend’s ex, but they weren’t together when we had met and I therefore didn’t pay attention to his existence… until that night. We sat on that couch and talked for hours about what he wanted out of life and what he planned to do with his career; we talked about what I was getting into at school and what I hoped my future held. I didn’t think much about him for about a week until we find ourselves together again at a chick-fil-a sandwiched with another couple. We stood in the parking-lot for another hour after and talked. I knew then that he was different and that my heart had been waiting for him.
After that night we became practically inseparable. He’d pick me up after work and we’d go eat dinner, go to movies, and everything else in the universe that was coupley… except for becoming a couple. I finally sucked it up and told him how I felt to have him tell me he just wanted to be friends. Okay, I could handle that. Too bad we went about two months not speaking to and avoiding each other like the plague. But we finally found ourselves back to each other and became closer than ever, and more complicated than ever. It wasn’t until last November that I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I had fallen head-over-heels in love with him. It was the most incredible and suffocating feeling I’d ever felt in my entire life. I wasn’t used to caring so strongly for any guy and it terrified me, but I let it go and just kept acting normal.

Fast-forward six months. After a million conversations with both my friends and FAMILY telling me that he was in love with me I got fed up. Why the hell does he get to act the way he does and make me feel the way I do, and then when the “big question” comes up he can throw the friend card down and get away with it?! It’s ridiculous. The boy has taken me to meet his family, my family has taken him on vacation with us, he threw me a surprise birthday party, calls and texts me all the time… Like, seriously? Seriously?!

I took a last stab at telling how I felt last month. He didn’t say much about it except that he didn’t want it to affect our friendship, and yet continued to lead me on and treat me just like his girlfriend and made complete strangers question our “friend” status. It all got to be too much. And I knew that something was up this week when he didn’t call. Didn’t text. Didn’t facebook. Nothing. He’d spent all week with our other two close friends. Girls; girls that knew all my deepest secrets and feelings about him. They told him how I REALLY felt. That I was in love with him. They TOLD HIM. Some friends, huh? He told me this afternoon that he didn’t want to do anything alone anymore. No more dinners together. No more movies. No more coupley things that didn’t involve other people. Other people being our two friends. How coincidental. He no longer wants to hang out with our married friends because that sends a “wrong idea” to me.

Needless to say I’ve never cried so hard in all my life. Not only have I lost my closest friends and confidants, I have also lost my first true love because as immature as it sounds, I’m done. I’m done with feelings so hurt and confused and let down. Done; I’m done.

Thank you for listening to my story.

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Females Please Stop!!

Flirts.

Whenever I hear this word or when/if it comes to mind, I honestly shudder and get an immediate negative vibe. Why do you ask? Because I despise flirts. Not just any flirts, but flirts who unabashedly flirt with somebody who is already taken. More specifically, women who flirt with males who are taken.

Coming from personal experience, it still baffles me that even when I have entered my twenties, I still encounter selfish young ladies/women who outwardly flirt with gentlemen who are taken. Whether I be hearing this problem come up in my other girlfriends’ relationships, or encountering it in my own, having another female unnecessarily flirt is never a good thing. What is just as bad are the ladies who flirt but try to play it off as: “No way! He’s like a brother to me!” Or the crowd favourite: “I’m only trying to be friendly.

Nuh uh, girlfriend. Being a “sister” or “friendly” does not entail the following:

  • calling/texting/messaging your gentleman friend almost every day;
  • asking him to meet you often;
  • unnecessarily worrying him by making yourself look like a damsel in distress;
  • always asking him to hug you;
  • blatantly ignoring the fact that he has a woman;
  • not backing off when he’s clearly friend zoned you;
  • sounding moody/jealous whenever he talks about his SO;

This list could go on forever, but I think you readers get the point. The first question I ask is why? Why do countless of ladies everywhere do this? Don’t you have any respect for your fellow woman? It just shocks me that ladies think it is perfectly acceptable to go ahead and excessively batt their eyelashes and flirt like there is no tomorrow.

Personally, I see it as being very insecure and desperately seeking attention, or, just being plain vindictive, selfish and evil. Perhaps the conscience of these types of women do not kick in, or, their id is going into overdrive. Whatever it is, it isn’t good and should not be tolerated.

What is even worse, though, is when our gentleman friends accepts it and flirts right back, but that’s a whole other story for another time.

So to all you ladies out there encountering this problem, I feel for ya’ll. Do not tolerate this kind of behaviour, and you should definitely do something to squash this petty problem before it gets bigger and grows into a difficult problem that may break your relationship. Believe me, you will want to nip that flirtatious she-devil in the bud before she sinks her claws  overtakes your relationship. Besides, if your SO continues to tolerate it, or doesn’t find any means to stop it, then he’s most likely seeking attention just as equally and is a waste of your TLC and energy.

Know your own worth, my fellow ladies! Save yourself the drama and heartache, and confront these flirts head on. You will definitely come out of the situation a stronger and happier woman, and hopefully, with a healthier and better relationship.

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I Want And Need

I want someone that can accept who I am and who I was… Because the truth is I don’t have such a pleasant past… But its made me the beautiful person I am today… So my past… Is still part of me… If you can’t accept my past… That means you’re only choosing to love half of me… And I want someone that can love all of me… I want someone that can accept I hate shopping… And that I don’t care how I look to others… Fuck looking cute and complimenting each other… Lets compliment our happiness… I like to laugh out loud in public and do silly things that make us look insane… But happy… Really happy… I want someone that know I have a hamper that’s over flowing with insecurities… That I’m intimidated by those I actually like… And a nervous wreck when they stand close enough to hear me breathe… Which is probably stupid but I want someone who can work with me on that… Someone to make me feel comfortable and beautiful… I like to lay on grass, and take random walks, and go on random dates and adventures… I just want someone that’s ready for that ride… That wouldn’t mind doing those things… With me… I don’t want someone perfect… I’m not perfect myself… I’m clumsy as fuck… I tend to trip over self esteem all the time… I’m corny… And annoying and sometimes hardheaded and stubborn… I want someone with flaws so I won’t feel like a complete mess around them… I want someone that can help me pick up the pieces to build an “us”… The way we want… And even if things get bumpy and conversations turn into arguments… I want someone to stick around and fix things… Rather than walking away with the tool box… I mean we can be partners in this… Whatever it is… Screw a relationship… We don’t have to call it that… We can call it whatever we want… As long as its just us… You and me… Accepting the misunderstanding is us…

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Best Music Videos

Aren’t we all a fan of music and everything it brings to us, well i sure am, and along with music we got these videos, lovely videos that correlate with the words of a song. Although sometimes we can love a song and hate the video to it we can never forget those amazing videos that leave us surprised and even more in love with our favorite songs. I searched up all of my favorite best produced music videos, and here i am to share with you! i hope you all enjoy, and tell me which music video would you add to this list? and which music video to you love from this list?

Beyonce- Why don’t you love me?

This music VIDEO was directed by Melina Matsoukas. The was filmed in Los Angeles on Mount Olympus.

I love the 60′s appearance of this video, Beyonce’s housewife role mixed with a little bit of vintage bombshell is incomparable to any other music video she has made. She doesn’t let me down with the productions of her music video but this ones top notch, and while watching the video i always question myself why doesn’t he love her!!!!!

 

Rihanna- We found love 

The music video for “We Found Love” was shot in County Down, Northern Ireland and the New Lodge area of North Belfast. The video was also directed by Melina Matsoukas, she must be awesome!

The sick in love concept this video shows us is the most captivating part of it all. The way Rihanna and her ‘lover’ portray their love in this video makes me almost feel as if I’m her, feeling every bit of emotion, terror, love, confusion, obsession, drug, illusion etc. I say Rihanna gives us a sneak peak of her past relationship with ex boyfriend Chris Brown in this video. what do you think? i am hopelessly in love with the video.

Katy perry- The one that got away

The Video was shot in Calabasas a city in Los Angeles. The video was directed by Floria Sigismondi.

One of the saddest video i have ever watched, yet so fascinating. In this video Katy’s older self is sad with her unfulfilled current love while reminiscing back to her younger happy love. The words of this song combine so profoundly with the video and it is why this video is one of my choices. Haven’t we all had the one that got away?

 

Jennifer Lopez- I’m gonna be alright

Directed by Dave Meyers and filmed in the Bronx, New York City, where Jennifer Lopez lived her younger years before becoming a star.

If you are a proud new yorker you would also fall in love with this video, or maybe already are. I am from new york, and from the Bronx so this video really caught all of my attention. JLO making a video in the vicinity of her childhood is quite awesome. As said in Wikipedia “It shows a hot summer day in New York through scenes of Lopez doing the laundry, sunbathing, listening to music in a record shop and playing baseball on the streets”, a typical Bronx, new york thing huh?

 

 

Fun- We are young

The music video, directed by Marc Klasfeld, was filmed at David Sukonick Concert Hall in Los Angeles.

The name of the group band says more of the video than the actual title to me. Its all about fun! in this video and that’s one of the reasons why i chose it. Parts of the video are shot in slow motion as the band sings and a Riot happens all around them, i found it pretty cool. Flour, confetti, streamers and a disco ball are all part of a FUN video.

 

 

Lana del rey- Ride 

Director-Anthony Mandler

The words that Lana expresses at the beginning of the song was mostly why i chose this particular video, however the video fascinates me too. The scenery of the video and Lanas beautiful face captivated me. Take a joy ride as you watch.

 

 

Jay-z & Kanye- Otis 

The music video was directed by Spike Jonze and was filmed in Los Angeles.

Not a lot happens in this video but a maybach 57 is involded and jay and kanye and fireworks and a saw and fire and fistpumps and girls… and the slow motion in it does it all. This dynamic duo always wins. love this video!

 

Frank Ocean- Novacane 

Director Nabil Elderkin.

I loved this video as soon as i watched it because it describes the title so well, the whole meaning of this video is to show how it is to feel numb and perhaps drugged?, frank appears to be taking some type of drug while he hallucinates. We also see things in slow motion probably the way frank is feeling, which also relates to the numbness of novacane.

 

 

Lady gaga- Eh, eh (nothing else i can say) 

Directed by Joseph Kahn, in Los Angeles.

A 1950′s inspired video that i truly fell in love with. Gaga says “I wanted to show a different side of myself — perhaps a more domestic girly side. And I wanted to create beautiful, stunning ’50s futuristic fashion imagery that would burn holes in everyone’s brains.” Well theirs holes in my brains already.

 

 

Beyonce- Me myself and I 

Johan Renck directed this video.

Beyonce’s me myself and I video its all reversed! notice as you watch the video how everything goes, its the reason why i chose it! However, i just found another version of the video which is the non reverse one, which was the first one beyonce shot, apparently beyonce wasn’t all so content about it and re-did it almost entirely!. What beyonce said about this song/video – “The video and actually the song I wrote it for the ladies because I know sometimes we go through relationships and they don’t work out and we blame the guy or we blame the other girl or we blame ourselves. And we have this inner voice that kind of leads us in the right direction. We can always depend on ourself and the song ‘Me, myself and I’ and I wanted the video to reflect that. I was trying to think of something different, something fresh and new visually to do.” You can find that other one at vimeo.com.

 

Katy Perry- Teenage dream 

Teenage love is in the air in this video, i can feel it as i watch it. Absolutely love it.

 

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Dollar and a Dream

I’m not a liar. Someone told me the other day in order to be a millionaire we need to sell someone a dream.

I didn’t feel comfortable with that because I think most people are looking for the quick fix. How is that my problem? It isn’t, that’s where your conscience takes over, if at all. Mine does.

It’s not that hard to sell a dream really. You give away something for free, you entice them into wanting more, you tell them it is for a limited time only and they will miss out if they don’t buy it right now!

They say, to figure out your purpose in life and you will be healthy, wealthy and wise, maybe even happy. Happy may have been the initial goal however greed may take over at some point.

Inform them, let them do with the information as they will. You walk away with the cash and they are left to their own devices with no resources. Take away negative people and create better mindsets like your own.

How many people do you really know who have your specific mindset? At minimum if you’re lucky they carry the same values, perhaps the same beliefs and if religion plays a part in all of this, you’ll have a real party going on won’t you? You’ll belong.

Yet all the things you believe, right here, right now were fed to you in some way by someone else which you absorbed without question. To not believe without question may make you an outcast, an outsider, maybe even alone. And who wants to rock the boat? You could say I am above the curve because the only true beliefs that I have, at this current moment are:

People are self serving.

People do what they do because it yields them a return of some kind.

If they can talk about you behind your back or to your face and get away with it, they will.

If it’s malicious in nature you will be told you need to develop a thicker skin because the world is a difficult place and only the fittest survive. And all this, despite your tears.

You will be told that your expectations are too high, have none. So are you giving up choice when you have no expectations or are you allowing someone else to do whatever they want to you while you get nothing in return?

Remember people are self serving. They do what they do, good, bad or indifferent because it gives them what they want. Love, money, happiness, friends, prestige.

And it’s from the goodness of their heart. You are a good person if you do nice things. So you do nice things. When it doesn’t yield you the results you want or the love what happens next? What can happen is people will take you for granted and then you will be tap, tap, tapping on your keyboard. Just like me.

Wondering why being good didn’t work.

Me, Me, Me.

The reality is, as of late, I have realized that I’m not much different. I am resentful, highly skeptical and have little faith in other human beings. They change too quickly and I notice how much others are drawn in when they like me.

The bad thing is I don’t want to be liked that much, I don’t want the responsibility of it all. I don’t mind it for a little while but over time? To be a keeper, a confidant, the one who supports for an indefinite amount of time while I get what in return.

Because I am self serving too. I want what I want, when I want it and when it’s not what I want, I can engage in idle chit chat and I marvel at others who really seem to mean the things they say and do. Like I once did.

I do nice things. Don’t misunderstand. Again, they are all surface things and while I mean well, I don’t have feeling attached to it. Since I don’t have it for myself it’s not that difficult to push someone else away who needs it when what?

They are not what I want. Because I want what I want. Much like all the self serving people I discuss here who are going about their life, forgetting I exist and moving on, teaching me that we are truly self serving and care about our own needs first and foremost and once those needs are met, they move on.

While I try not to do that, I can see how it happens. Which, in part, because it’s been done to me, is why I have all this resentment trapped inside.

They take and take and take. And you know, sometimes I take too because I assume the person giving is fine. Nothing substantial is ever taken, to my knowledge from them. I am not that evil in nature.

I call friends now and then to talk. Yes, about me. They tell me I call only to talk about me. Well, then maybe it would occur to them to call me now and then. Maybe we all need to learn to call someone when we don’t need something but to see how they are. I’ve tried that. I am the only one who calls though, so I stopped.

I have always been the one who calls though. Because despite my protests, relationships are important to me. I miss them but I don’ t think I truly understand them at all. What I do feel is that they are all self serving.

You make me happy, I’ll make you happy and we’ll live happily ever after and all the while I regress further back into my mind. Like a child who wishes the world was a better place. Wondering if I was loved more as a child, would I be different today?

If someone showed up, the miracle I mentioned the other day and gave me everything I ever wanted from a human being. Would I let them in, or push them away before getting too close or letting them in.

I am truly tired of feeling my heart open and shut. It is mostly shut. I try to relax, I try to be open, I do an excellent surface performance with my social mask.

Makes me feel like I am lying. Because as soon as I turn away, my smile is gone. What’s worse is, I never intended to be this way and I can’t quite figure out how to stop it from getting worse. Simply because, every where I look and in everything I see, people are self serving.

So am I. My needs aren’t being met either and I resent them all for not seeing it. I resent those who assume we are friends after a short period of time because one day that will change and they will go. It’s how that works.

People don’t stay. Because they are self serving. Why shouldn’t I be self serving. It is, apparently, what makes the world go round.

Longevity in a relationship is a foreign animal to me. That’s a shame.

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Goodbye

Hiding Out
I have been hiding out in a way. The superficial, nice connections, I have made are sufficient at best to entertain me. Only, I don’t want to be entertained. It’s a placebo for a live relationship and for the life of me, I know how to find someone. It isn’t that hard.

I mentioned I have a personality. I don’t do mean things. I do, however, stand up for my beliefs. As it should be.

I have realized that if a person I happen to meet in the social network is across the other side of the world, that would be ridiculous to cultivate anything further than a friendship. Although, interestingly enough, people from other places, seem so much nicer then where I’m from.

My point is in those cases, it’s not so much a lack of trust. It’s about not creating an emotional connection with a person who lives on the other side of the world. So I am guarded. They are nice people, so it seems.

I don’t know them all that well. So, it’s speculation at best.

I have not come up with an answer. People are people.

What does bother me is how one person, who does something bad, to another can make such a significant impact on me. It could be the number of times. I’m a aware of that. Each time something happens, that hurts, it revives other things and it feels bad.

I don’t like that. I am not sure how to deal with it.

So. I hide. I make superficial conversations and I wish things were different. I do not know what else to do.

This, is a shame. I know it’s a shame.

I am not a joiner.

I know what I like.

I find I reach out to the opposite sex for companionship and conversation. They are, after all, geographically undesirable. It’s accidental. You can’t chose who you meet when they pop up and you talk and they’re pleasant.

Some of them are downright amusing. I would like to meet them in real life. There must be people like this in my vicinity.

I had a couple beers this evening. I am officially a light weight. Which is fine. I had begun drinking to appease myself at night and not think for a few months. I know when to stop.

While I enjoy social networks, they are a placebo for real life. They, as with anything, have their place. I am appeased with the banter and conversation.

Some people are still good. They are not completely self serving. I see a mixture in personalities, which is good. It alleviates my thought process that all people are self serving.

People like you for how you make them feel. I agree. I wish I did not feel cold inside. It’s almost as if I’m fighting feeling better. The only reason I push it back down, feeling good, is because it doesn’t last. Something happens and it goes astray.

Sometimes I make that happen. Based on other’s behavior. As one should. Married people. No need to be so friendly with me. It irritates me. I am not your band aid for your bad marriage. I am a human being and do not need to be included in your drama. It is, that simple.

I’m looking at pictures from various members to get a feel for them. When I do meet someone, I need a particular person. You sense this from them. I want that, whatever that feeling is for me, I want that. The good ones, not the ones I seem to attract. Unfortunately, the ones I attract and am drawn to have the bad gene trait as well.

Again. If I do not get this right, I could be alone indefinitely. I do not want that. Not way down deep inside. I have to learn to trust again. I am working on that, despite my outpouring of thoughts here.

I miss who I used to be. Yet, I know myself better now then ever before. It’s about really seeing things for how they are.

I had a friend I lost recently. No, they didn’t die. We parted ways due to a difference of opinion. One that was not able to be remedied. Apparently. It was for the best. I remind myself of this. It’s not stubborn pride either.

It was for the best. They say, if you let something go and it comes back to you, it was meant to be. It’s a platitude. I know. This individual will not come back. They dug their heels. As did I. It’s okay. I understand.

I miss them from time to time.

It makes me sad.

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