Tag Archives: Heartbreak

Damaged Heart

You may be capable of forgiving, but the forgetting part is out of your hands. Forgiveness is nothing to scoff at though, it takes a hell of a person with a mighty generous heart to experience some type of traumatizing betrayal and accept an apology. And people can be ruthless, so it’s not a given that you’ll even receive an apology at all. It forces us to deal with the wrongdoings internally before we can move on with life. Still — as difficult as forgiving may be, it’s ultimately up to you. The forgetting however, is not.

People seem less and less thoughtful about their actions. A moment of pleasure is constantly being chosen over potential years of reliability and happiness. Then, when the flash of indulgence is over, consideration for what has been done begins. People may start to feel bad; others may just feel scared that the truth will come out. For some it will take being caught to find out, for others, their conscious forces them to confess, but that doesn’t mean it hurts any less.

So whatever happened is now carved into your brain. It has left an unpleasantly deep wound that hurts regardless or apologies, excuses or explanations. You’re officially damaged and what people fail to realize is that it’s permanent. Playing with emotions, cheating, screwing people over, breaking trust – these things are taken lightly nowadays, and I can’t fathomwhy. When you do any of those things to a person, you are leaving them emotionally disabled for some time. We rehabilitate and when we do eventually “get over” things, all that means is that we’ve figured out a way to walk without each step hurting. But we’re well aware that if we walk a certain way, it might tweak the previous injury. Or even worse, tear the same wound wide open.

The lasting effects are simply inevitable.  You’ve learned to get along pain free because you walk with a limp to remain comfortable — and after so long, you make a habit of it. It’s second nature to get by the way you get by, until someone comes along and makes you consider trying that old method. The technique that broke you in the first place.

It can be hard, especially if the person trying to sweep you off your feet is doing everything so freakin’ perfect. It’d almost be better if they’d just mess up or show some awful red flag so we can get out of being vulnerable early on. Happiness with a person is too good to be true — it’s unfathomable that a person is genuinely concerned over you and has no ulterior motives that’ll cut you down eventually. That’s when we realize the extend of the previous damage, and just how broken we are. At times, a previously shattered heart has absolutely no idea how to respond to genuine care and affection, which is truly unfortunate. The person or people from the past who’ve hurt you still linger, even long after they’re gone.

One time is all it takes. Once you’ve been damaged, you don’t fully recover, so much as you teach yourself to cope. The wounds are there, the lessons are learned, the memories are engraved, and you’ve got to decide if you want to do it all over again – or if you’re even capable of that. A damaged heart is tentative and that’s got to be clear to anyone seeking to win you over. On your own time, as you’re ready, you’ll have to drop the crutches, dip your toes in to test the waters, and, when the time is right, love hard as you loved before.

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Eating Me

Like a crow, it just eats away at me. It eats and it eats and it eats. This built up pain, this built up hurt and anger. It eats away at me. As each day passes, and the crow still feasts, the pieces of me just get less and less. This crow, saving the heart for last. Take me now, take me now, the wounded artery pleads. But the crow, it just keeps on eating. It doesn’t care about sparing the heart, just this one time. Just this one time. It doesn’t care. It just keeps on eating. And as the feast continues, the hearts tolerance of pain disintegrates with every bite. But the crow, it just keeps on eating. It doesn’t care about sparing the heart. As the hurt cuts deeper from the sharp mouth of the crow, the tender heart throbs with anger. But the crow, it just keeps on eating. It doesn’t care about sparing the heart. And as this heart of mine pleads and cries, take me now! Take me now! The crow just keeps on eating. Ignoring those cries and those pleads. Nothing gets through to the stern old crow. His beak coated in dripping blood, he stands there full and satisfied. No remorse for the heart at all. Little does he know, this heart will last him forever and ever. Even as it decays he eats at it just for fun. The faint cries and the faint pleads may still be heard, but the crow just refuses to listen. And if he would listen just this one time, if he would look into the soul of the wounded artery of mine, just this one time. Maybe then he would be able to see. But the crow, it just keeps on eating. It doesn’t care about sparing the heart.

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Dark Clouds

The sun used to shine so bright, so beautifully.
No day existed where the warmth of his rays didn’t engulf me.
So warm, so comforting; it felt so good.
But before too long, the domino effect of his love came crashing down
one after the other.
As his love tumbled, so did I
struggling to hold on because his wrath was just too hot.
My grip was loosened and it wouldn’t be long before it slipped all together.
But why does it have to be like this?
It used to all be so beautiful
Now all that remains is a broken heart on a dark, cloudy day.
Where’s the sun when you need it most?
Lost on a forgotten quest I would say.
As for me, I would never forget.
I would never forget what it feels like to be engulfed by his warmth
and to be receiver of his love.
I could never forget.
The days keep on growing darker, as the sun fails to shine.
But I never forget the bright rays of his love. Ever.
So maybe it’s true to say, my grip has slipped; but it hasn’t really slipped at all.
Because I am still here right? Opposing all other natural forces
My want for the sun will always be there.
I’m cold without his warmth but I haven’t forgotten what it feels like.
The memory is still fresh within the broken bits of artery.
He doesn’t realize that.
So caught up in his own glory
Selfish.
But that’s okay.
Because I know where that path will lead him.
It is certain that if his stance prevails, darker days are inevitable.
But I will be there, I promise to be there to show him the light
like he has to me.
Unknowingly, subconsciously.
He’s my light, my sun, my warmth, my love, my heart.
Nothing will ever change that.
Nothing.
Because I will always remember the days where the sun used to shine so bright, so beautifully.
I will always remember when the days used to feel okay.
And to remember that, I am instantly filled with hope.
Dark, cloudy days don’t last forever.

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Strange World

I live in such a strange world… I mean there is still so many things I failed to understand about life… Or rather comprehend and I’m hoping as I get older… Much older I’ll learn…. To accept these things… Growing up all I did was day dream… I dreamed big… There was something so soothing about being able to escape reality and… Dream… I remember I would sit under my grandpa’s pear tree and close my eyes and dream… I dreamed about saving the world… By changing it… Didn’t understand why at such a young age I thought the world needed to be saved… But as I grew older… As I learned to ride a bike fearless… I understood scars… As I experienced my first heartbreak… I understood loneliness… As I experienced a loss… I understood emotions… As I experienced betrayal… I understood commitment… As I experienced sickness. I understood faith… As I experienced struggle… I understood success… Its crazy come to think about it… I was so eager to change the world… As I’m experiencing life… I understood the world changed me… I live in such a strange world…

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