Tag Archives: People

Being Accepted!!

I live a very quiet life.

I’m into reading and learning and anything that involves being creative. I love to watch movies, listen to and discover great music, have conversations with people I find interesting, travel to other cities and attend live concerts.

I’m not really that girl you can have a good time with if your idea of one is getting drunk and partying, and I won’t pretend that it is. Not trying to knock anyone that does, just saying that it’s not for me. It’s not something I have fun doing. I’m no longer scared to admit that, but I used to be because it seemed to be the thing that everyone else was doing.

But just because everyone does something, does that automatically mean that you have to do it too? This is something I told myself one day and immediately realized afterwards that I have to live for myself. I can’t wait for others to dictate the kind of person I am.

Being accepted is something I feel many of us strive for. We yearn to feel loved by everyone, even if it means sacrificing what we want for only a brief moment. Sometimes I find myself caring too much about what others think about me and really lose myself in others opinions of me, but in the moment that it happens I always try to remind myself to not care so much.

I’m comfortable with who I am, and I won’t pretend to be someone that I’m not. I try to never allow someone’s opinion of me to override my own opinion of me. It was something that I struggled with a few years ago, but now I’ve realized how threatening it can be to my own well-being .

I’ve learned many lessons in life but the one that’s most redundant is to be yourself.

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Do You?

Do you ever feel like you actually have people around you that you could go to talk to about anything, but you don’t because you’re afraid of how they’ll begin to view you?

It’s hard to show someone your vulnerable side, especially when you’re a pretty guarded person to begin with. You can’t just let someone know about the internal struggles you’re dealing with and the problems you keep confined with your mind. Once you allow your problems to be free from your mind, they’re open to different perceptions, and some people may not see them as big of a problem as you do.

Maybe I’m just thinking too much, yet again. I have a horrible tendency to do that…

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It is something I HATE working on but I still do it.
I do not like intentionally letting people know what hurts me the most. Being taken advantage of is not the business. However, I do not build walls to see who will tear them down. I would be expecting far more from others than I would be giving.
It is not fair for me to punish people who WANT to know me because someone else did not amount to shit. I have grown to accept that it IS a part of life. People come and go. Learning how to let go is sometimes the difficult part. Not, refusing to feel. That is only a mind game we play with ourselves.
We eventually lose and that is when it hurts even more. That game will wear anyone out. Leaving us in a “why me” state of mind. Why you? Why not? Sometimes we get these thoughts in our heads that we are above normal human being stuff. I attribute it mainly to ego.
How we bounce back from effed up shat and people, is the determining factor of how well we deal with LIFE. There are some things I have not bounced back from. I acknowledge them when they come up. One day, I will get over them. Until then, I allow myself vulnerable moments. I write.
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Dissect Yourself

Allow me to post this disclaimer. Some of you are going to either disagree, be pissed or feel like I’m betraying the “G” code but since I was asked to do this….

I’m going “HARD IN THE PAINT!” You wanna know what’s wrong with your “RELATIONSHIPS” or why you can’t find a mate? Simple…it is you. Go ahead…I’ll wait. Are those birds I hear chirping in the background? Did I just hear a pin drop on a carpet floor? Are those mouths I see falling open? Before you tune out or get to calling me outta my name, allow me to explain. Ahem….
First and foremost when it comes to both men and women, some are just no good. Sit around them long enough, listen to them long enough and notice them long enough and you will know who they are. Why a woman or man tries to turn a one night stand into a life time relationship with a person she or he knows is no good is just…insane. See we all do it, whether he has a nice ride, she has a nice ass…we all do it. You can tell by their mannerisms that they are no good but you still allow yourself to pursue something beyond a physical relationship. Why? It’s one thing to not want to be alone, it’s another to flat out settle. You are never going to meet Mr. or Ms. Right as long as you are dealing with Mr. or Ms. Wrong. That song by Mary J. Blige, “Mr. Wrong” is nothing to be celebrated. It really is a low self esteem song. If it’s more exciting for you to be with the wrong person than with the right person…you deserve everything you get.
Also, learn to be honest with yourself. Be honest about who you are and what you want. Be honest about what matters to you when it comes to selecting a mate. Be honest about whether something is purely physical or something of substance. Trust me, you know the difference…you just choose to ignore. I’m speaking from experience here. I have chosen to try and make a relationship out of a few women when I knew the attraction was nothing more than purely physical. But see, I wanted this physical to last a life time and simply ignored things I knew that sent up red flags. One female cursed too much, one female fussed too much, one female smoked and I know I don’t smoke. Yet in still I attempted to make more out of those relationships than what they were…temporary. So when I eventually reached my breaking point, whose fault was it really? It was mine because I had been dishonest with the one person I should’ve been honest with from the very beginning…myself. If I would’ve been honest with myself first…it would’ve allowed me to be honest with the woman and thus not waste either one or our time since time is something you cannot get back.
So…when it comes to selecting a man or woman…be honest with yourself. I repeat, be honest with yourself. This is what I’ve been telling my co-workers for the past 2 months and it really has helped to enlighten me. Be honest with yourself. You know who you are and what type of person you are looking for Spiritually, Financially, Emotionally, Physically and Sexually. I call these the Big 5. In knowing the Big 5 you know what you’re willing to compromise on and what you’re not willing to compromise on. The only way you will know though is to be honest with yourself. Once you know yourself, you will be better armed to go out and come across that guy or girl that is potentially Mr. Right or Ms. Right. Notice I didn’t say go out and find, I said…come across. If you are at your best, then the guy or girl that’s at his or her best will notice you and the immediate chemistry between the two of you will be just as subtle as a gentle summer breeze.
First of all to my fellas. BBD said “Never trust a big butt and a smile.” While this statement is not necessarily truthful, the sentiment behind it is. If all you are looking for is a big butt and a smile from a woman, then you should not be surprised if that’s all she has to offer. Fellas, I’m not suggesting you don’t go after the woman you are physically attracted to (see the Big 5). I’m merely suggesting that she should have some substance to her as well (once again refer back to the Big 5)and just because she got good “cookie” is not the end all say all. Can the two of you get along and hold a sensible conversation? Can you have a disagreement without it developing into a full blown argument? Does she curse more than you? If none of this matters, then fine…if it does, don’t act like it doesn’t. Fellas move on and keep it pushing. Sooner or later you will come across a woman who is worth your while and not just a “Cut Buddy.” I don’t want to say it’s not possible but it is extremely difficult to turn a whore into a housewife.
Ladies, please carry yourself like a lady. Trust me. Men that are no-good are intimidated by women who carry themselves like ladies. If you take pride in calling yourself the “B” word and you curse like a sailor and dropping it like it’s hot every chance you get (and that’s not your profession), please do not be surprised by the type of men you attract. If what you want is a good man, the one who works hard, comes home faithfully and makes his woman and his children his number one priority, then you must be this woman. If you’re the type of woman who says, “A man should accept you for who you are,” please understand, men have been saying this to women for years. It’s just that men aren’t just saying it…they are living the statement. Men change for love; they don’t change for a woman. I repeat men change for love. If you understand that, then you understand this next statement. Men force women to settle. Its more women than men and men…know this. I’m here to tell you ladies…don’t settle. Don’t be enamored with the type of car he drives or how large his bank account is. This is not what makes him the man for you. It simply means he has a decent job and has a nice car. None of that means he knows how to treat a lady. I don’t wanna say it’s not possible but its hard to turn a dog into husband material.
There’s more that I could say to both men and women but I think you get the gist. Now here’s the big thing. DATE, DATE, DATE, DATE, DATE and DATE again. Dating does not mean you are in a relationship with someone. The word DATING derives from the word DATE which means to go out with someone. The word relationship means to be involved with. The two words are not synonymous with one another so please for your own sake, stop acting like they are. Through dating, you allow yourself the opportunity to find out if you and another person are compatible with one another. See it goes like this…first you date, then HOPEFULLY you develop a relationship, then HOPEFULLY you get engaged and then HOPEFULLY you get married. Just because you’re dating someone does not mean you should get involved in a relationship with that person. Dating allows you to sift through the rubble and you do this by dating multiple people. Because you are DATING multiple people does not make you a “DOG” or a “HOE.” It makes you smart. Allow me to reiterate, I said dating multiple people, I didn’t say sleeping with multiple people. Once again, there is a difference.
This next paragraph is gonna throw some of you for a loop. With all due respect to Steve Harvey (and I love this guy, I really do) ladies…stop putting a time frame on the “cookie.” You holding on to the cookie for 90 days or giving it up after 1 hour is really not going to determine whether or not a man respects you. I know some fellas are going to disagree with me on this but ladies please understand. If a man doesn’t have respect for you after sleeping with you on a one nighter, how can he possibly have respect for himself? The simple answer is…he doesn’t. Please don’t be fooled and fellas stop lying to these ladies. A man understands that there is nothing wrong with consensual sex between two consenting adults. Notice I said a “man.” What determines how much respect a “man” has for a “woman” is how she conducts herself before the act of intimacy and after the act of intimacy. In all truthfulness, sex is another way people get to know one another. For example how many people waited only to find out they were not sexually compatible with their mate (remember the Big 5). Mind you, I’m not advocating having sex on the first night; I’m just saying that doing so is not the deal breaker people make it out to be.
Last but not least… life is not a game and neither is love. If you treat it that way, men and women both sense it and trust me, no one wants to deal with someone who is playing games. If you’re going to be in a committed relationship…give it 100%. Give it your all. If it fails, it fails but at least you gave it your all. If you don’t give it your all, don’t be surprised if it fails. I had a young lady one time tell me she was giving more to the relationship then her man was. I asked are you giving it 100%. She said no, she wasn’t but that she was giving more than he was. I shook my head and said that makes no sense. So if he’s giving 44% and you’re giving 46%, you’re still giving more than he is but neither one of you are giving 100% and you’re surprised because your relationship isn’t working? Really? Really? People, I’m not trying to sound like I know it all, I’m merely giving voice to what each and every last one of you already know.

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Make Me Whole

I want someone that… Doesn’t care what people say… Doesn’t insecurely walk outside and wait for people to judge them… I want someone who’s soul free… That isn’t afraid to have a mind of their own… I mean I need someone to run away with me… When life seems uptight and the world seems upside down… Lets run away to our favorite place and pretend as if times does not exist… I want someone unique and with a beautiful heart… That laughs through it all… Someone who isn’t afraid to cry… To express themselves… I want someone who knows to accept the past and walk away with it… Not away from it… Someone who understands life is to be liven day by day… Unplanned… Unrehearsed… I don’t want someone to take care of me… I’ve been doing that my whole life… Actually, I need some to make me whole…

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Kindness is Key

I witnessed something simple, yet very beautiful today.

Someone opened the door for me and it’s actually something that happens quite often, but for some reason, I saw it for more than what it was today. I then began to notice other small gestures throughout the day from one person to another, and started to observe how we all interact with each other.

We’re all so kind and willing to help total and complete strangers around us. It’s just in our nature to be loving creatures and it’s really beautiful to witness when it happens, even if it’s something small like a compliment or someone holding the door open for you.

I don’t know. I just found it really cool is all.

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I Want And Need

I want someone that can accept who I am and who I was… Because the truth is I don’t have such a pleasant past… But its made me the beautiful person I am today… So my past… Is still part of me… If you can’t accept my past… That means you’re only choosing to love half of me… And I want someone that can love all of me… I want someone that can accept I hate shopping… And that I don’t care how I look to others… Fuck looking cute and complimenting each other… Lets compliment our happiness… I like to laugh out loud in public and do silly things that make us look insane… But happy… Really happy… I want someone that know I have a hamper that’s over flowing with insecurities… That I’m intimidated by those I actually like… And a nervous wreck when they stand close enough to hear me breathe… Which is probably stupid but I want someone who can work with me on that… Someone to make me feel comfortable and beautiful… I like to lay on grass, and take random walks, and go on random dates and adventures… I just want someone that’s ready for that ride… That wouldn’t mind doing those things… With me… I don’t want someone perfect… I’m not perfect myself… I’m clumsy as fuck… I tend to trip over self esteem all the time… I’m corny… And annoying and sometimes hardheaded and stubborn… I want someone with flaws so I won’t feel like a complete mess around them… I want someone that can help me pick up the pieces to build an “us”… The way we want… And even if things get bumpy and conversations turn into arguments… I want someone to stick around and fix things… Rather than walking away with the tool box… I mean we can be partners in this… Whatever it is… Screw a relationship… We don’t have to call it that… We can call it whatever we want… As long as its just us… You and me… Accepting the misunderstanding is us…

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