Tag Archives: Rape

Quit Playing

I was vulnerable and so you took advantage of me. The one you hate he broke my heart you said you were glad. You pounced. I don’t know better, I need comfort and being numb. You make me feel special. You suck me into your world where you want me. Hide me away. All to yourself. You keep us a secret and you lie. Play play play. All a game. You said you love me all the time, how much you care. And it was lies because now you say it was always lies to everyone. But I don’t even care anyway. Because I love him. The one you tried so hard to make me not love. And all the people you say you hated before but now you suck them back into your world because you are a sad lonely man and you don’t have anyone else. And you might ruin their lives too. Play play play. All a game. And you are a pervert, and you say gross things. And when I didn’t want you on me and I try to say no, you keep going to have your way. Or when I sleep you wake me to do the same. Touching me when I don’t want. Holding me down and laughing. I couldn’t get away. And the other girls too. So then I try not to stay with you so that I didn’t have to be scared. You say once that you don’t want your daughters to be with cunts so you would never be one. But you do very cunt things. What if that was your daughters. Being talked to like this or scared or try to say no and it means nothing. You should be careful. And you trap me all the time. So I can’t leave you. I feel too guilty to. And then when I do leave you you try to trick me. But I see your tricks. Play play play. All a game. You try to make me feel special. Tell me things that you have never told anyone else. But then I find out everyone already knows it. And then when game is over you keep on playing. You go to the street of the one you hate and you paint a picture of me on the wall. To make us angry or something. Play play play. All a game. And then the one you hate, his lights go missing and his wires get cut and the neighbor he says someone was fiddling with the bikes. Someone who looks like you and then he ran away. And then you write a blog about being cold and cutting off emotions and about important things to me to try to get me but you don’t because I hate you and you are a creep and I want to do bad things to you because you deserve it.

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To You!

To my rapist,

The last time you saw me, I was vulnerable, I was your victim and I was scared. You had the upper hand over me and you were fully aware of it. You didn’t have much freedom left from the time you let me out of that car, what was it, about 24 hours? Ever since that day, you have been in police custody and remand, but it has been of little comfort to me, as I too am living in a prison. Do you realise I can no longer walk down a street by myself without being on the verge of a panic attack? That is in the middle of the day, I don’t know if I ever will be able to walk at night by myself again. Do you realise I have to pass the point where you kidnapped me, every single day? And do you even care? You have had your freedom taken from you and so have I. The difference is, that night, all I did was try and walk home. You threatened, kidnapped and raped me.

I saw you this week, in court, where you pleaded guilty for everything you put me through. Like on our first meeting, I was still scared and I was still technically your victim. BUT, you are now at the mercy of the British Legal system, and my strength and courage has won over your cowardice and control. I did not cry when I saw you as I would not give you the satisfaction. I was able to see you as the pathetic, pitiful excuse for a man you are, and I have realised you have damaged your own life as much as mine. The difference is, I can make mine better and I can try and put this event further and further into my memory, as time progresses. You don’t have that luxury now, as you are a convicted rapist. You are on the sex offenders register, and you will never get away from that. But I will get away from you.

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